RMM 3 Desa Hartamas FC 2

Controversy Reigns

Due to a technical glitch in Mysterious Maniam’s fixture computer, the return leg of this game was played much earlier than anticipated.

With none of their celebrity players in their line up, Desa Hartamas FC (DHFC) were actually a stronger side. That however did not deter RMM as the veterans once again got off to their now customary lighting start.

In of RMMs first assault at the DHFC goal, Flash That lost his marker on the left to send in a pin point cross to RMMs Master Of Hit And Miss, Mat Burit, whom after much drama, managed to bundle the ball home for RMMs first goal*

The golden oldies of RMM continued to dominate play in the early exchanges and were threatening to extend their lead when controversy struck.

Latching on to a back pass by a DHFC player, Mat Burit was belatedly called offside by the match official, Fat Lard although the linesman had kept his flag down. The call somewhat left everyone bemused as the general assumption is that the attacker cannot be called offside if the ball was played to him by a defender.

Confused by his own call, Fat Lard then ordered a drop ball to be played and instructed RMM to return possession to DHFC from the drop ball. Not only had RMM lost a very good opportunity to stretch it’s lead, now it would also lose the advantage of possession as well.

RMMs superstar striker then decided to take the law into his own hands, ignoring common sense and sportsmanship to aim a punt directly towards the DHFC goal. Much to everyone’s horror, the ball bounced over the DHFC keeper and landed in the DHFC goal to give RMM a 2 goal lead.

Justice done or bad sportsmanship? That debate will rage on for a while.

Stung by the goal, DHFC then started to get a foothold into the game with their skillful playmaker pulling the strings and speedy right winger running rings around RMMs ironically named Speedy.

The 2 combined to great effect for DHFCs first attempt at goal when the speedy right winger crossed for the skillful playmaker who tried to chip the ball over RMMs keeper, Shark. Fortunately for Shark, the attempt flew directly and safely into his arms.

DHFC then pulled a goal back under mysterious circumstances. A quick attack down the left wing saw the winger putting in a weak cross that was easily fielded by Shark. With RMM looking to launch a quick counter, Fat Lard suddenly noticed the DHFC left winger lying in a crumpled heap inside the RMM box. The nearest RMM player to the injured winger was Red Devil Meng who was then adjudged to have fouled the winger. The veteran RMM defender denied it was ever a penalty as he ‘only kicked him after he crossed the ball”.

DHFCs playmaker then confidently stroked home the resulting penalty to make the score 2-1.

DHFCs onslaught continued as the speedy right winger discovered that RMMs Speedy was actually not speedy at all. The speedy right winger then equalized when he outpaced the RMM defense before chipping the stranded Shark.

Not content with equalizing, DHFC decided to go for the jugular and worked Shark in goal. First, the giant keeper had to use all of his height to palm and then collect a freekick from DHFCs playmaker. Then the keeper was forced to make a smart one on one save when his defense was breached by another through ball by the dangerous playmaker.

RMM however were determined to give as good as they got and went close to taking the lead again when a defensive mix up from DHFC saw Mat Burit homing in on an empty net. The Master Of Hit And Miss then showed everyone how he earned that title when he attempted what is best described as a tricycle kick from 0.5 yards out and somehow managed to put the ball over the bar.

That attempt not only won him the Miss Of The Season award a full 3 months before closing date, it has put him in contention for Miss Of The Century award as well.

Iceman then took matters into his own hands when the dead ball specialist sweetly curled in freekick from a tight angle for RMMs third goal.

The watching crowd made up of suspected thieves and bag snatchers were relieved to hear the halftime whistle as it gave them time to breathe after such an enthralling half. In fact the game turned out to be such an entertaining affair that none of them actually took time off to steal anything.

RMM were then forced into tweaking the team for the second half as Flash That was moved into goal after sustaining a light injury from his on-going battle with DHFCs Komando. Their bad blood had started from the last game and threatened to boil over on several occasions. Shark, who was suffering from fever was then moved to partner mat Burit and later Batigol upfront.

The second half was every bit as frenetic as the first half with some fantastic end to end football on display.

Blindman Poon took over Flash That’s position and started to run rings around Komando as well. As the wiry DHFC defender struggled to contain the sonically enhanced speedster, he started to take matters in his own hands (or rather, legs).

The Blindman was assaulted repeatedly by Komando and his cohorts but showed testicular fortitude by continuing his direct runs at them. This in turn led to several gilt edged chances for the Blindman but unfortunately for the legally blind winger, his sonar system had been damaged during those repeated assaults. Leaving the entire DHFC backline for dead in 1 of his typically surging runs, the Bilndman’s sonar could not locate the DHFC goal quick enough, resulting in him pulling his shot well wide when it was easier to score.

Minutes later, the Blindman pounced on a half cleared Iceman corner only to blaze the ball over DHFC’s goal.

With both teams fast tiring and the sun setting, many were expecting the final whistle. Fat Lard however had different ideas and decided to let play continue until DHFC had scored their equalizer. The game wore on until the pitch was pitch black and all one can hear was the insults hurled at Fat Lard from RMMers.

When the final whistle finally blew, there was a final piece of controversy as well when the recently married and ‘reformed’ Batigol decided to mimic WWEs Triple H’s entrance act of spewing water. Batigol however took it a step further and aimed his jet of water towards DHFC’s Komando, who needless to say wasn’t too pleased and had to be restrained by teammates.

Perhaps it was a fitting end to the game with the person who started the controversy ending the game with one as well.

Date: 26 September 2010

Venue: Kelab Sultan Sulaiman

Scorers: Mat Burit, Batigol, Iceman

* For the 1st time ever, we will be featuring the players alternative view of the report, starting with Mat Burit’s own description of his goal – “Flash That cross was brilliantly brought under control by Mat Burit with his left, who then proceeded to turn 3 defenders before firing the ball into the DHFC keeper. Mat Burit then reacted quickest and collected the rebound and proceeded to beat another 3 players before slotting the ball home”