Thursday, March 24, 2011


Due to match reporters own tight schedules and the sensitivity of readers / players (RMM=Grumpy Old Men), match reports will be suspended until further notice.

Those who wish to find out the progress of the team can do so on RMMs facebook page where all latest results will be posted with minimum fuss.

Anyone who would like to do their part and contribute as guest writers or take the position up permanently is welcomed. This will also give a different view of how the matches were played out. Alternatively, a pool of writers taking turns is also welcomed.

Finally, do note that the reports were started as a tongue-in-cheek view of the games played to negate the highly emotional feelings of the games themselves.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

RMM 1 Puchong Indian 3


RMMs record breaking unbeaten run was finally ended amid a heady mix of controversy, comical goalkeeping and woeful finishing.

Coming into the game with an unbeaten run that lasted almost 3 months, the veterans of RMM had every right to feel confident against a team consisting of a wiry old man in goal.

The wiry old man however proved to be a stumbling block for RMM and combine that with the inability of RMMs frontline to hit the barn door, it was no surprise that the veterans were under pressure for most of the first half. The backline marshaled by Saint Shane were tested constantly and RMMs keeper Shark was called into making several crucial one on one blocks to keep the scoreline to 0-0.

Upfront, Mat Burit lived up to his undisputed title as the Master Of Hit and Miss as he led his fellow attackers in crafting a manual on 'How To Miss Sitters'.

The battled hardened veterans were lucky to finally end the half without conceding when Puchong Indians smashed a penalty against the post after MuscleMan Arch was adjudged to have fouled a Puchong Indian striker in the RMM box.

RMM were then dealt with a blow when Saint Shane pulled up with a calf injury during the 1st half break. The reshuffled backline were just getting warmed up when the Puchong Indians bounced a direct through ball down the middle, catching the daydreaming RMM defenders out. An ever alert Puchong Indian striker then pounced on the thru ball to lob it past the on-rushing Shark to finally give the Puchong Indians the lead.

The game was more evenly contested in the second half but with the RMM frontline continuing to put on a full on display of wasteful finishing, the game looked to be slipping away from the undefeated veterans.

RMMs big break came when trialist Jazzy Sazly broke through on the right to draw Puchong Indian's scrawny old keeper out from the box. The on-rushing keeper was then forced to handle the ball outside the box in order to prevent a RMM equalizer. The Puchong Indian keeper was immediately shown the red card by the ref for his troubles.

That was not to be the last red the ref flashed as a disgruntled Puchong Indian player showed his displeasure at the the ref's decision to send his keeper off by throwing his jersey at the direction of the match official. Needless to say, he was giving his marching orders as well.

The 2nd half ended with RMM a goal down and Puchong Indians 2 men down.

All the talk during the break was on how RMM could capitalize on the 2 men advantage to protect their unbeaten run. The main talking point was however Puchong Indian's refusal to take the field for the pre agreed 3rd half unless their sent off players were re-instated back into the game. So it was 11 v 11 or the game would have to be called off.

Showing the sportsmanship of olden day Corinthians, RMM agreed to play the 3rd half against a fully re-instated Puchong Indians.

Puchong Indian's wiry old man keeper then continued to keep RMMs strike force at bay with a lot of help from the misfiring strikers doing their best to out miss each other.

On the other end, the in-form RMM keeper Shark then inexplicably let an easy cross slip through his fingers into the path of a surprised Puchong Indian striker to slot home from 2 yards.

With the match seemingly slipping out of their hands, RMM finally managed to find the net through superstar striker, Batigol who produced yet another wild eyed, vein popping, banshee screaming celebration. Game on.

The wounded veterans then started playing with renewed sense of urgency but all thoughts of a fightback was extinguished when the RMM backline was once again caught off guard for Puchong Indian's 3rd goal. It was yet again another punt into the RMM box that caught the veterans out and this time, the static Flash That borne the brunt of his team mates wrath for his lack of movement during the goal's build up.

When the final whistle was blown, RMMs unbeaten run was finally shattered. Whilst it would be easy to blame the unsportsmanlike behavior of Puchong Indians for the defeat, it has to be said that the complete manual of 'How To Miss Sitters' that was written during the game played a big part in it too.

Friday, March 11, 2011

RMM 4 James Team 1


RMMs first derby of the year not only stretched the veteran's unbeaten run, it also ended up as a comprehensive victory as well.

Playing the now customary but controversial 3 halves game, RMM dominated the game from the first whistle but were made to work hard until Flash That finally broke the duck after a series of misses that seems to be the norm these days.

Further goals from the on form Guvnor, off form Master Of Hit and Miss - Mat Burit and the superstar Batigol secured RMMs unbeaten run.

Despite James Team pulling a goal back, it was a surprisingly easy win for RMM given the intensity of recent derbys gone by.

That said, it would have been a bigger route for the veterans if it was not for the wasteful misses upfront from RMMs Hit and Miss strikeforce.

Monday, February 28, 2011

RMM 5 Purple Rose 2 (27 February 2011)


Playing Purple Rose for the first time, the unbeaten veterans weren't sure what to expect but when they saw Purple Rose fielding an overweight keeper with no gloves, the RMM strikers were licking their lips in anticipation.

The first half however was a forgettable one for the RMMs forward line. With Purple Rose's extremely round keeper playing almost like a last man standing on the goal line, one would have expected a turkey shoot but the veterans could only muster a single goal lead courtesy of RMMs superstar striker, Batigol. The Master Of Hit and Miss, Mat Burit, was the biggest culprit, missing several gilt edged chances and smashing the ball into Purple Rose keeper time and again on 1-on-1 situations.

It was more of the same in the second half for RMM even though the formerly dangerous hitman turned shot stopper Shark was drafted to lead the frontline. Purple Rose reshuffled their pack as well, replacing the 250 pound keeper with a much more athletic version but still with no gloves.

Whilst RMM managed to stretched their lead by another goal by the legendary Speedy who had just celebrated his 65th birthday recently, it was still frustrating for the veterans as many felt the scoreline should have reached a cricket score by now.

RMM were then nearly made to pay for their inability to run up a huge lead when Purple Rose scored 2 quick goals at the start of the 3rd half. Guvnor's gamble of experimenting RMMs already brittle backline almost backfired when Mat Burit - who had been reshuffled to right back - decided to clutch his face to feign injury once he realised he could not match the Purple Rose winger's pace in the attack leading up to their equaliser.

Guvnor then restored RMMs lead with a typically deadly header before deciding on another reshuffle. Shark who had started in goal and played as striker in the 2nd half, was then called back to lead the backline.

With Purple Rose rapidly running out of gas, the battle hardened veterans then finished off the game when the Master Of Hit and Miss finally decided to turn provider instead by cuing Iceman up for a screamer from just outside the Purple Rose box. Superstar Batigol then got his 2nd from close range to seal the victory.

Batigol missed out on his hat trick when he smashed his attempt from point blank into the Purple Rose keeper after some good build up play from Flash That and Mat Burit.

It took a while, but RMM finally spluttered and started, ending the game with a more than confortable scoreline. The game also marked RMMs 2 month unbeaten run.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

RMM 2 FRU 2 (20 February)


Still defending their undefeated record, the veterans of RMM were forced to dig deep against a FRU team made up of tough looking cops and hardened criminals.

RMM started the game better and were in control for much of the first half despite playing chief saboteur Siyeh in the middle of defense. The wily veterans then had the opportunity to take the lead when Flash That was bundled over at the edge of the FRU box.

With the penalty duties this week on his shoulders, RMMs first choice keeper Zig Zack strode up from his customary first half right back position to add his name to RMMs list of scorers. Those who had turned up early and seen Zig Zack's practice kicks knew exactly what to expect.... another RMM penalty miss. The lanky keeper cum defender did not disappoint and proceeded to stroke the ball wide right to the FRU keeper's right hand post.

Since the introduction of popular but hardly successful rotation system (where the order of penalty takers starts from the oldest RMM to the youngest) in March 2010, RMMs penalty conversion ratio is closer to 15%.

FRU then started to claw their way back into the game giving Shark some work to do in goal. However, unlike previous games, the giant keeper managed to keep a clean sheet on his 1st half shift despite some uncertainties with his distribution out of goal.

RMM then took the lead when Guvnor opened his account for the year, smashing home from close range after some good work from Muscle Man Archie on the right.

FRU then had a goal disallowed when their (probably) deaf midfielder beautifully curled a freekick over the RMM wall into the net. The fact that every RMMer on the pitch had very loudly informed Shark that it was an indirect freekick

With a 1 goal lead going into the break, RMM looked odds on to carry on with 100% record for the year.

FRU however had different ideas and scored 2 quick goals at the start of the second half.

The first came when a long cross field ball caught RMMs defense too high up resulting in FRUs overweight winger outpacing the flat footed Shark before smashing home from close range.

FRUs second came not long after when some fancy footwork from their forward caught Siyeh out leaving the forward to stroll past the Chief Saboteur right in front of the RMM box. The fleeted footed forward then powered the ball past the on-rushing Zig Zack.

With the FRUs skillful midfielders finding their feet in the middle of the park, RMMer became increasing frustrated and there were some heated verbal exchanges among each other and dropping heads on others.

However, with a unbeaten run record to defend, the battled hardened veterans refused to fold and slowly gained a foothold into the game again. However, with Flash That refusing to break into nothing more than a jog and Mat Burit running into blind alleys, RMMs attacks were somewhat labored.

Just when it looked like RMM was to encounter their 1st loss of the season, upped stepped the midfielders to sort things out. The formerly speedy Speedy tore down the left before curling in an inch perfect cross to the unmarked Guvnor to power home from close range for his brace.

The draw meant that RMM lost their 100% record but were still able to maintain an unbeaten run almost 2 months into the season. With several players and 1 superstar missing from the line up, this will be seen as 1 point gained rather then 2 points lost.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

RMM 2 Chinese Chelsea 1 (13 February 2011)


Maybe it was the Winter Solstice break (otherwise known as CNY) or perhaps it was the pressure brought on by the their 100% record or more likely it was the return of the Chief Saboteur Siyeh into the team but RMM just never got off the blocks for this game.

Playing a team they seldom had problems with over FIFA's controversial 3 half system, the unbeaten veterans made hard work of this game.

Chinese Chelsea did all the early running and tested Shark in goal early with the giant keeper pulling off a smart point blank save.

The under pressure keeper (who had only kept 1 clean sheet so far in this campaign) then had the pick the ball out of his net when a hopeful Chinese Chelsea cross had the RMM defense at sixes and sevens before their striker found space between Titan and Red Devil Meng to poke home from close range.

RMM got a semblance of their normal game back in the second half and were duly awarded a penalty when the on form Mat Burit was bundled over.

RMM then exercised an American Football move when they subbed Shark who had stepped into the leftback position for MuscleMan Archie. The part time bodybuilder walked in, smashed the penalty home before being subbed by Shark again to the cheers of the crowd.

The game then played end to end with RMM's No1 keeper Zig Zack pulling off a string of fine saves to keep RMM in the game. On the opposite end, RMM was also finding it hard getting past Chinese Chelsea's reserve keeper.

RMM finally took the lead when yet another foul on Mat Burit resulted in a freekick 25 yards from the Chinese Chelsea goal. RMM dead ball specialist Iceman coolly stepped up and curled his attempt into the top corner for his 1st goal on the campaign.

Things then got heated in the 3rd half when some RMM and Chinese Chelsea players got into some argy bargy over a Chinese Chelsea freekick. Just when it seemed that the ill feelings had simmered down it all kick off again when RMM's one and only Superstar, Batigol decided to verbally abuse the Chinese Chelsea keeper for fumbling an easy save.

Not taking the abuse kindly, several Chinese Chelsea players decided to confront the superstar as things threatened to get ugly. Amongst those who were seen trying to diffuse the situation was the formerly angry Hardman Joe, whom after repeated sessions in an Anger Management course has now turned peacemaker. As RMMs superstar continued to taunt his opponents and with the situation looking less and less controllable, the referee decided to bring the game to an end, thus denying 20 odd players the opportunity to finish off the game.

The abrupt end to the game left a sour taste in the mouth of many players on both teams. For Sunday League footballers, this was their once a week fix and unnecessary premature end to games like these are a massive disappointment.

It was then no surprise that there were rumblings of early retirements, boycotts and team switching if this problem persisted. Perhaps the least surprising murmuring that came out of the game was that there was a new Kunt Team in town and that team was RMM.

Friday, February 18, 2011

New Year! New Start! Latest results!

With another year passing, the battle weary veterans of RMM were another year older. Time will only tell some of the more hot headed RMMers will be wiser.

The following is a summary of games played through January:

RMM2 Starjet 1 (2 Jan 2011)


The idea of starting the year of on a postive note seemed remote for the veterans as they were matched up against bogey team Starjet on the 1st weekend of the year.

Having played their arch nemesis countless times over the past few years, RMM had never even drawn against the team that boasted several African All Stars. The sight of the entire Starjet squad warming up did little to dispel RMMs concerns about starting the year with a loss.

The result however was a rousing 2-1 victory to the veterans with Superstar Batigol and Hardman Joe finding the net in a game played over 3 halves.

So shocking was the result that RMMs own Master Of The Alternate Universe, Speedy (who was conspicuously absent from the game) was overheard asking a fellow RMMer if RMM had played Starjet’s C team.

When asked why he had so little faith in his teammates, the Master replied “I made a comment but I didn’t say anything”. Classic stuff from the Alternate Universe.

The fact to the matter was that Starjet played their A, B and C team and threw everything and their kitchen sink @ RMM over 3 halves but could not deny the veterans their 1st win over what used to be their bogey team.

RMM 2 Japan United 1 (9 Jan 2011)


With the introduction a a few new players into the squad, it was no surprise that RMM lack cohesiveness as a team and went behind near the end of the 1st half.

The battle hardened veterans then came from behind to register their 2nd victory of the year thanks to goals from Mat Burit (who is looking to shed the title of Master Of Hit and Miss in 2011) and Blindman Poon.

The game however will be best remembered for Japan United’s goal off a freekick.

Taken 25 yards out, the ball seemed to float towards the RMM goal in a comfortable height and speed until RMMs keeper, Shark got his legs tangled up before falling over just as the ball arrived. Unable to stay on his feet, the giant keeper just about managed to palm the ball weakly into his own net.

RMM 3 Bangi Malay Boys 0 (16 Jan 2011)


Working hard to shed his tag as the Master Of Hit and Miss, Mat Burit registered a hat trick in this game.

Fans attending the game however reserved the right to allow the chrome domed hit man to shed that tag as he has missed a couple of sitters before his scoring spree.

The highlight of the game came after the final whistle when RMMs Superstar striker Batigol was seen packing up in a hurry before throwing out his toys from his pram by stomping off like a bull elephant in heat. All without uttering a single word to his bemused teammates.

Who knows what goes through the mind of superstars?

But what we do know is that maybe some RMMers have not grown wiser over the new year.

RMM 3 Kelab Rootz 1 (23 Jan 2011)


Riding high off their winning start, the wily veterans just kept their winning mentality with another hard fought win.

Blindman Poon maintained his early season form as he continuously wrecked havoc on the Kelab Rootz defense and he was duly rewarded with the opener.

The boys from Kelab Roots equalized before Shark coolly stepped up to convert a penalty to give RMM the lead again.

During the run up to his penalty, the formerly dangerous hit man was heckled by a Rootz defender who said he will ‘aeroplane’ his shot. RMM fans will testify that the giant Shark is and will always be unable to generate enough power in his shots to ‘aeroplane’ it.

RMM then sealed it’s victory with a goal from newbie William Alber who bundled over from close range.

RMM 5 Kajang Veterans 2 (30 Jan 2011)


Following this comprehensive victory, RMM ended the 1st month of the year with a 100% record. This could well be the best start to a season the veteran team has had ever.

The heavy downpour before the game did little to stop RMMs flowing football (the immaculate pitch helped) as the veterans strolled to a win with goals from all angles.

RMMs very own Superstar, the mighty Batigol weighed in with a brace (that’s 2 goals for those not in the know) with the other goals coming from Flash That and Mat Burit (who is still trying to shed his title of the Master Of Hit and Miss). Kajang Veterans helped out with an own goal as well.

This game also served to cement Zig Zack claim as RMMs no. 1 choice keeper and hopefully in the process retire the Master Of The Alternate Universe, Speedy from goalkeeping duties. Although the short shot stopper was comedic gold in goal, he was unfortunately utterly useless at keeping goal.

We do however need to point out that it’s not fault of the Master as more often than not, he was forced to keep goal against his will.