RMM 1 Kunt Team 2

The Slide Continues

Still recovering from the morale sapping thrashing from the previous week, the battle hardened veterans stumbled onto another morale sapping loss against their eternal arch rivals, Kunt Team.

Playin on the small an tight Kampung Baru pitch, the veterans got off to a slow start and were behind midway thru the first half when Kunt Team's striker, Short Ass smashed the ball home from distance.

Worse was yet to come for RMMs veterans as Kunt Team then scored a second when a long punt forward caught RMMs SiYeh off guard. The defensive hardman known for his inability to play hard let the ball bounce over his head, leavin stand in keeper Flash That rooted to his line. Flash That's refusal to come off the line made the situation worse as Kunt Team's Short Ass stole in to score his second of the game. A secret admirer's of RMMs superstar striker, Batigol, the vertically challenged striker proceeded to celebrate his goal by emulating his hero's wild eyed, vein popping celebrations compleye with identical banshee like screaming.

Playing with lack of confidence, RMMs veterans were not in their best form.

The second half was no better for RMM as the team labored to claw their way back into the game. Red Devil Meng and Blindman Poon managed to provide some spark on the wings and played some dangerous balls in but unfortunately for RMM, there was no one in the box to finish them off.

RMMs goal finally game via the formerly deadly partnership of Shark and Mat Burit. Off a monster clearance from Marvelous Melvin, Shark managed to control the ball with his back to goal in a deft touch before turning to release a pin point thru ball to strike partner Mat Burit. The Chrome Domed hitman made no mistake and smashed the ball home from close range.

With the score at 2-1, the veterans of RMM pressed forward for the remainder of the game but were unfortunate not to add to their tally.

With Kunt Team resorting to time wasting tactics, it was no surprise when the final whistle finally blew and RMM with doomed to another defeat.

Date: 23 May 2010

Venue: Kampung Baru UMNO field

Scorer: Blindman Poon

RMM 1 Cum In My Boxers FC 8

TAKEN TO SCHOOL

It was raining goals in what was a hot and scorching afternoon.

In the most 1 sided half in a RMM game ever, the veterans were given a footballing lesson that the veterans who have seen everything and more will not forget easily.

RMMs keeper for the day, Guvnor’s valiant attempts and a superb double block did little to hold back the tide as the shell shocked veterans were given a 7 goal mauling in the first half alone from the fit and skillful Cum In My Boxers (CIMB) FC.

CIMB strikers had a field day, scoring with relative ease from all angles. When CIMBs striker waltzed past a static RMM defense for the 1st goal, most RMMers

The veterans were given a respite in the second half as a much changed CIMB dropped a few gears and the match became more even. Still punch drunk from the 1st half beating, the dozy veterans managed to score a consolation goal via the legally blind Blindman Poon before conceding another goal.

The game finally ended with RMM on the wrong side of an 8-1 hammering. The nightmare will live long in the minds of some RMMers.

Date: 16 May 2010

Venue: Stadium Raja Muda

Scorer: Blindman Poon

RMM 4 Bhangra Boys 2

AGELESS RMM

With their joints in serious need of lubrications, the oldies of RMM were camped out in their own box for the 1st 10 minutes of the game. It was only after the arrival of twin speed demons, Flash That and Blindman Poon that RMM started to gradually wrestle control of the game back.

The arrival of Speedie from the Land Far Far Away also meant that Guvnor could finally be unleashed in the middle of the park.

Timekeeping has never been RMMs strong point and this proved to be the case in this game when the time challenged veterans were forced to start the game with 9 players with midfield hardman (and RMMs best goal keeping option) Guvnor starting in goal instead.

So bad was the team’s time management that most of the starting 9 didn’t even have time to warm up their old creaking joints.

Luck was however on RMMs side as the opponents of the day was Bhangra Juniors FC, the U-17 representatives of Bhangra FC. Playing against 11 kids was a much better option than playing against 11 fit adult Sikhs.


Playing with 11, RMM then scored against the run of play after a swift counter attack that resulted in Blindman Poon scoring the opener.

Firmly in control of the game after the opener, the veterans then started carving out chances with the veteran of all veterans, Red Devil Meng constantly overlapping, showing off Roberto Carlos like power and drive.

Unfortunately for the Red Devil, one of the attempted raids down the flanks broke down resulting in Little Sikh breaking away from the right. Faced with a rampaging midget, RMMs last line of defense, SiYeh backed himself into the 6 yards box before letting the little terror score to level it at 1 a piece.

Mat Burit then restored RMMs lead when he was put through and easily skipped past the stranded Bhangra Junior keeper to slot in coolly.

RMMs pace was causing all kinds of havoc to the young sikh defence and the youngsters were glad to hear the halftime whistle.

The second half started the same way as the first ended as RMM were in full control of the game. As punishment of his tardiness, Speedie was “volunteered” to remain in goal for 2nd half.

RMMs 3rd was a contentious one as the charging Batigol appeared to have slapped the ball onto his path before slotting home past a protesting Bhangra Juniors defense. Batigol’s extremely animated celebration however persuaded the match officials that the goal was legitimate.

RMMs supreme goal getter and Superstar striker, Batigol then got his brace when the Bhangra Juniors keeper dropped a cross onto his shin. The ball rolled into the net before the hitman even realized the keeper had dropped the ball. On cue, the Superstar celebrated like he knew what happened.

With a 3 goal lead, the veterans relaxed their grip on the game and were caught off guard when Bhangra Junior’s Little Sikh took a speculative shot towards RMMS goal. Not much taller than Little Sikh, RMMs Speedie backpedalled furiously before leaping like a salmon to reach the ball. Alas, it was all in vain as the ball floated into the back of the net.

Like many before them, Bhangra Juniors had just discovered RMMs Achilles Heel, Speedie’s height coupled with his suspect positioning.

The game then almost descended into a farce as the Bhangra Juniors started to pump in speculative shots into the RMM goal at every opportunity.

The turkey shoot finally came to an end when the referee blew the final whistle.

In the end, RMMs tardy veterans were comfortable winners against a team of players that were averagely 20 years younger then them.

Date: 9th May 2010

Venue: Stadium Raja Muda

Scorers: Blindman Poon, Mat Burit, Batigol (x 2)

April 2010 Scorers

The lighting quick Flash That takes the plaudits this month narrowly squeezing out a few others as the top scorer for April.

March 2010 Scorers

No surprises as RMMs Superstar Striker, Batigol tops the scoring charts again!

RMM 2 James' Team 5

Afternoon Thrashing For A Patched Up RMM

In what would have been an ideal game with picture perfect pitch and opponents whom have had a wretched record against RMM of late, the veterans would have expected an enjoyable afternoon out.

However, with the veterans forced to field a rag tag team of RMMers and guest players, it was James' Team (JT) that enjoyed the afternoon out instead.

In a game that was played over 3 halves, RMM started well and had a few good chances to score early with Flash That and guest players Futsal Chai and Eujin coming close. However, RMM then fell behind when poor marking during a corner allowed JTs Kwailo to volley home at the far post.

The second half started badly for RMM when 2nd string keepr Partyman Eddie's lame attempt to stop a JT midfielder's 30 yard shot only resulted in the sonically challenged RMMer palming the ball into his own net.

The veterans of RMM did however mount a fightback and managed to pull back 2 quick goal through the legendary Master Of The Alternate Universe, Speedy and Flash That. Showing the speed and guile he was once known for 2 centuries ago, the diminutive Speedy scored a beautiful lob over a stranded JT keeper after outpacing the entire JT defense whilst Flash That's 25 yard screamer induced the JT keeper to replicate Partyman Eddie's lame attempt to parry the ball into his own net.

With the score at 2 a piece, it looked like the momentum was back with RMM but the 3rd half saw the veterans collapse through more inept goalkeeping from 3rd half keeper, Speedy who was not helped by some lax defending during set pieces. Not known to be the bravest of the lot, the giant oompa loompa stood cowering on his goal line when he should have been taking the ball on at least 2 occasions.

The final result meant that RMMs recent results against JT were now a distant memory.

Starting 11: Shark, SiYeh, Titan, Snake, Zig Zack, Partyman Eddie, Iceman, Futsal hai 1, Futsal Chai 2, EuJin, Flash That

Subs: Blindman Poon, Mat Burit

Scorers: Speedy, Flash That

RMM 4 Rojak FC 1

Mid Afternoon Stroll

Mid afternoon games on the huge, energy sapping Stadium Raja Muda pitch can be a daunting task for most team and it has proven to be so many times in the past for the veterans of RMM.

However, against the arguably skillful but disorganized Rojak FC, RMM had no problems and strolled to a comfortable victory under the unforgiving egg frying sun.

The experienced veterans took an early lead in the opening minutes when Blindman Poon’s sonar system picked up on the Rojak FC defender’s nervousness (via his pounding heart). The legally blind winger then took advantage of the situation by dispossessing the unfortunate defender before lashing home from close range.

The rest of RMM however, took some time to warm up their creaking joints in the baking heat and were lucky not to have conceded the equalizer minutes later when the lethargic backline led by SiYeh unwittingly let Rojak FCs plodding Kwailo striker beat the offside trap. Surprised to be through on goal with hardly any resistance, the Kwailo was then foiled by the onrushing first choice stand-in keeper Shark.

RMMs second came courtesy of Iceman’s laser guided freekick from the right side of Rojak FCs goal. Having had a sighter earlier, the deadball specialist made no mistake with his attempt to give RMM a 2 goal lead.

Rojak FC were restricted to taking potshots from outside the box most of the half. They did however have a gilt edged chance late in the 1st half when their 4 eyed winger turned RMMs Snake inside out before unleashing a cross that fortuitously curled towards RMM goal instead. It took Shark’s entire giant 164cm frame to keep that attempt out.

RMM controlled the second half much like the first and were 3 goals ahead when from another set piece. This time, the robust Batigol overpowered everyone in the box in to power home from close range during a goalmouth melee resulting from a corner.

Fans were then treated to the comical sight of the scrawny Rojak FC goalkeeper charging out from his box to confront the huge assed (literally speaking) Batigol whom he claimed had impeded him.

Not contented with sitting back (or more likely not knowing how to sit back and defend a lead), the wily veterans then turned the game into a route with a 4th. The veteran of all veterans, Red Devil Meng went on a lung bursting run from his rightback position, played a 1-2 with Shark (who played upfront in the second half) at the edge of Rojak FCs box before smashing the ball home.

To enliven the game further, RMMs 16th choice stand-in keeper Singapore Sling Danny then decided to emulate RMMs infamous stand-in keeper, Speedy’s antics.

First, Singapore Sling Danny completely missed a hopeful punt forward from Rojak FCs midfielders and air-kicked his attempted clearance, leaving the Rojak FCs striker to roll the ball home.

Singapore Sling Danny then decided to re-live the moment again and almost let in an identical goal only to see Rojak FCs Eujin hit the post with his attempt.

The referee decided to put Singapore Sling out of his misery and ended the game not long after, giving RMM an easy 4-1 afternoon stroll.

Venue: Stadium Raja Muda

Starting 11: Shark, SiYeh, Partyman Eddie, Snake, Red Devil Meng, Guvnor, Iceman, Blindman Poon, Speedy, Batigol, Mat Burit

Subs: Singapore Sling Danny, Trialist M

Scorere: Blindman Poon, Iceman, Batigol, Red Devil Meng