Friday, March 26, 2010

Miss Of The Season Contender # 6 - Batigol v Sunday Cowboys


Having missed 2 penalties, RMM conspired to have a 3rd Miss Of The Season Contender in the same game as well.

Off Speedy's lame and tame effort from the spot, the laughing Sunday Cowboy could only palm the ball to the path of the alert and on-rushing Batigol.

RMMs leading scorer charged in with his usual combination of power and finesse (ballerina on steroids OR charging bull elephant in heat - in order not to offend the highly sensitive, you pick your own choice) only to blaze his effort towards the same general direction as Red Devil Meng's earlier attempt.

What made this effort unique was the fact that the attempt was only 6 yards out.

Miss Of The Season Contender # 5 - Speedy v Sunday Cowboys


The Miss Of The Season Award is now in danger of being re-named the Penalty Miss Of The Season Award as RMM missed it's 4th penalty of the season.

In a bid to give all RMMers a fair chace at boosting the goal tallies, RMMs life time President, Guvnor, had introduced the New Penalty Taking Duties (NPTD) policy.

The NPTD policy seems to have backfired as the first 2 receipts of the penalty taking duty (obviously the most Golden Of the Oldies) under the new policy did not find the net.

RMMs own Master Of The Alternate Universe, Speedy, takes the plaudits this time.

After taking time out from his own alternate universe to give the first penalty misser some lame advise on how to take a penalty, Speedy took the direct opposite direction of his predecessor and took what must be the lamest penalty kick effort in this universe ever.

Needless to say, the effort was easily saved by the laughing Sunday Cowboys keeper.

Note however that accounts of the same penalty will very obviously different in Speedy's own universe. Rumour has it that the words 'net busting' was used somewhere in that account.

Miss Of The Season Contender # 4 - Red Devil Meng v Sunday Cowboys


Being the most 'matured' squad member of RMM, Red Devil Meng was given the honour off taking the first penalty under Guvnor's New Penalty Taking Duties (NPTD) policy.

That honour of being the first receipt of the NPTD policy however only added extra pressure to the veteran as he stepped up to fulfill his duty. Red Devil Meng was also not helped by the fact that he was sitting on the bench picking his nose when he was called on.

Coming in from the cold with his joints still creaking, the oldest man in RMM took the final step down the road of failure by taking last minute penalty taking technical advise from the second oldest and probably the most mentally disturbed RMMer of all (although many might contest for that title), Speedy.

The result was a penalty so ugly, only the culprit himself could describe it (see Comments section on the Match Report).

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

RMM 2 Sunday Cowboys 5

A SORRY TALE OF 2 MISSED PENALTIES

It what looked to be an easy tie, the veterans of RMM conspired to conjure a spectacle of missed chances and goalmouth blunders that led to a spectacular collapse in the second half. The result was a humiliating defeat of epic proportions.

In the midst of all the missed opportunities were 2 missed penalties on each half of the game.

The first came early in the game when RMM won a penalty when Flash That’s flying run was brought to an abrupt end by a SC defender by illegal means.

Off came Red Devil Meng from the bench to fulfill his penalty duties as decreed by RMMs Life Time President, Guvnor’s latest Declaration On Penalty Taking Duties.

Unfortunately for the officially oldest player in RMM, sitting on the bench on a windy Sunday afternoon stiffens the joints of the more ‘mature’ players. The nervous and stiff Red Devil Meng then proceeded to smash the ball well wide of SCs goal.

RMM were then made to pay minutes later from Sunday Cowboy’s (SC) first meaningful attack.

RMMs Partyman Eddie decision to punt the ball back into the middle instead of clearing into touch after chasing the ball down the left was as baffling as it was costly. The ball landed right on SCs playmaker who chested it down before thundering a looping shot past the stranded Shark in goal.

RMM then responded by taking the game to SC. Off 1 of the resulting corners, RMMs midfield hardman and aerial specialist, Guvnor powered in yet another header for RMMs equalizer. This was Guvnor’s 7th goal of the season.

The rejuvenated RMM then took the lead when RMMs top scorer, Superstar Batigol cushioned a beautifully lofted cross onto the path of the on-rushing Iceman who produced a spectacular first time shot that ended at the back of SCs net.

2-1 and RMM bossed the rest of the half, going into the break reasonably pleased with the scoreline unaware that the second half will bring a shocking reversal of fortunes.

4 goals in quick succession not long after the restart all but killed the game for RMM.

The 1st came when a SC striker walked past 5 static and decidely sleepy defenders before slotting the ball home coolly to equalize.

The 2nd came not long after when stand-in keeper to RMMs stand-in keeper Speedy managed to stick one of his long legs out to stop a near post attempt by SCs strikers. Unfortunately for RMMs tallest keeper, the ball looped up weakly and directly into the path of the on-rushing SC striker to head home into an empty net.

SC then made the score 4-2 with their 3rd of the half when their right winger drove in a dangerous low ball into RMMs six yard box. With the RMM defense back pedaling and Speedy turning his head the opposite direction to protect his handsome his face, the on-rushing SC striker easily slotted home.

In between, RMMs strikers and midfielders had their chances but were unable to find the target with Guvnor, Shark, Batigol and Iceman all coming close.

SCs 5th then came courtesy of their playmaker’s speculative 45 yard lob that caught Speedy off guard, easily sailing over the giant’s head (and handsome face).

Mat Burit then earned RMM a second penalty of the day when he was crudely brought down by the on rushing SC keeper.

With penalty duty now firmly at the feet of Speedy, the second oldest player in RMM, it was left to the Master Of The Alternate Universe to nail in the final insult of the day by weakly punting the attempt almost directly at the SC keeper.

Post game, the grim mood of RMMers in the dressing room turned to horror / disbelief when Speedy started to give his account of his game from the Alternative Universe’s point of view.

Whichever way one looked at it from whatever Universe, the score remained the same though…. an embarrassing 5-2 loss for the mighty RMM



Venue: Kelab Sultan Sulaiman

Starting Line Up: Shark, Titan, SiYeh, Partyman Eddie, Singapore Sling Danny, Guvnor, Iceman, Speedy, Blindman Poon, Batigol, Flash That

Subs: Mat Burit, Red Devil Meng, Aeroplane Beng Koh,

Scorers: Guvnor, Iceman

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Pixs from RMM v KJC



* Pixs courtesy of Boom Jo

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

RMM 3 KJC 1

TALE OF 2 BLUNDERS

A week after the being comprehensively outclassed for the first time this season, the boys from RMM looked to bounce back with a win.

With the game scheduled at the Kelab Sultan Sulaiman against opponents whom they have consistently beaten, RMM had every right to feel confident that a win was a high possibility.

That looked a remote possibility though, when Shark’s howler in goal gifted KJC an equalizer in the middle of the 1st half.

RMM had started the game well and had taken the lead thru a well worked goal that saw Iceman’s clever back heel find an unmarked Speedy on the left. The once speedy Speedy powered home a low drive from a narrow angle for his first of the season.

Up to that point, KJC’s attacks very limited to speculative through balls that were easily dealt by Shark and his backline comprising of Aeroplane King Beng Koh, SiYeh, Titan and Snake.

Then Shark’s blunder turn the game on it’s head.

Facing a dangerous freekick outside the box, the first choice stand in keeper opted to clear the dipping freekick with his feet instead of fielding it with his hands. Unfortunately for the giant
keeper, he completely mis-kicked it and only managed to slice the ball into his own net.

Claiming he opted to kick rather than catch due to the slippery conditions, Shark should have been kicking himself instead.

A very disappointed RMM finished the half on a low with the score at 1 a piece despite having better possession.

The wily veterans started the second half well and looked to have wrestled control back from KJC. The engine room comprising of Iceman and Guvnor started to control the game and RMMs own wide boys Blindman Poon and Flash That started to show some pace and penetration.

Whilst RMM came close on a few occasions with attempts from Shark, Batigol and Flash That, the veterans became increasingly frustrated as the minutes ticked by. Shark’s tentative display in goal translated to his outfield game as he sprayed loose passes all over the field. On the wing, the Blindman’s lack of vision when it came to making runs became increasing apparent as well.
Then when it looked like RMM had to settle for a frustrating draw, the second clanger of the game occurred when

Zig
Zack’s speculative punt upfield bounced deceptively over a stranded KJC keeper before dropping into the back of the net.

It was perhaps ironic that the vertically challenged Shark was beaten by a low ball whilst the vertically blessed KJC keeper was beaten by a high ball.

With a 2-1 lead, RMMers relaxed and started to stroke the ball around. With Guvnor winning every header in the middle of the park, the veterans started to cruise.

The fast tiring Flash That has almost run himself to the ground and had almost disappeared from the game before he managed to summon one last gasp run that had the KJC defense backpedalling and falling over themselves.The flashy winger then managed to low drive in the box that was coolly finished off by the in-form Batigol for his 8th goal of the season.

With that, the game was effectively over and Shark was officially out of jail.

Venue: Kelab Sultan Sulaiman

Starting Line Up: Shark, Titan, SiYeh, Aeroplane Beng Koh, Snake, Guvnor, Iceman, Speedy, Blindman Poon, Batigol, Flash That

Subs: Zig Zack

Scorers: Speedy, Zig Zack, Batigol

Saturday, March 13, 2010

RMM 1 Starjet FC 4

OUTMUSCLED, OUTPLAYED AND OUTCLASSED

Mysterious Maniam once again played havoc on RMMs pre match preparation when he scheduled 3 consecutive matches on the same pitch rather than the traditional 2. This meant that RMMs game started at 6pm with most of RMMers having arrived at the venue at 3.30pm as requested by life time President, Guvnor.

When the game finally started, given RMMs current form, the boys of RMM had every right to be confident in breaking their win less streak against familiar foes, Starjet FC. However, this was not to be as the veterans were outclassed, outplayed and soundly beaten at the huge Stadium Raja Muda pitch.

Unlike previous weeks, RMMs squad turnout was good with almost the entire squad turning up.

The RMM backline welcomed back some long absentees in Aeroplane King Beng Koh defence and Wandering Snake who slithered back into his familiar slot on the right side of defense after hearing that his position was under threat from Gnasher Abdullah.

Also back in the squad were Nitro and Partyman Eddie who are under investigation for illegally turning up for unsanction teams without Management permission.

Starjet FC put RMM under pressure from the first whistle and were unlucky not to score early on when Shark managed to thwart Starjet’s African All Star before his team mate blazed over the bar from the resulting melee.

Then against the run of play, RMM’s own superstar - Batigol, continued his hot goal scoring streak by putting the veterans ahead.

RMMs hope of breaking their winless streak against Starjet FC were quickly distinguished when their African All Star led opponents fought back and scored 2 quick goals before the break.

The introduction of RMMs subs in the second half did nothing to stem the tide of the Starjet relentless attacks. Even with second half keeper, Guvnor in top form, pulling some stupendous stops, RMM conceded 2 further goals.

Outclassed everywhere on the pitch and physically overwhelmed, RMMs broken spirit was perfectly illustrated during Starjet’s 3rd goal. Totally flabbergasted by the Starjet FC striker’s feint, defensive lynch pin Siyeh stood rooted as the striker coolly sauntered past him before being stopped by the charging Guvnor. The subsequent rebound was then slotted home by another Starjet striker whilst Siyeh was still stood looking on admiringly.

The loss brought an end to the superb start RMM had for the year. RMMers will be hoping that this is merely a blimp and the real RMM will turn up for the next tie.

Venue: Stadium Raja Muda

Starting Line Up: Shark, Red Devil Meng, SiYeh, Aeroplane King Beng Koh, Snake, Speedy, Guvnor, Iceman, Blindman Poon, Batigol, Mat Burit

Subs: Zig Zack, Nitro, Partyman Eddie

Scorers: Batigol

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Penalty Kickers - New RMM Rules


Effective March 2010, RMM life time President, Guvnor Chen has decreed a new set of rules regarding the controversial issue of designated penalty kickers.

The new rules will be based on a rotation system where the order of penalty takers will now start from oldest to youngest RMMers regardless of what stage or score of the game is at.

This is to ensure that everyone will get a fair shot at boosting their goal records.

However, to also be fair to regulars, those who do not turn up at the games where they are the designated kicker will automatically lose their slot and will be moved to the back of the line.

We will try our best to compile a list based on the age of RMMers in the next week weeks for reference.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

February 2010 Scorers



February was a short month with CNY thrown in. As such, there was only 3 games over the month. Over these 3 games, the top scorer spot is shared by 3 different players... Guvnor, Batigol and Shark.

Batigol was most consistent as he had scored in all 3 games whilst Shark scored all of his in the game against whipping boys PJ Chung Hwa FC who also contributed 2 goals to Guvnor's haul as well.

Congrats to all 3 players!

RMM 2 James' Team 1


After last week’s traveling debacle, Mysterious Maniam scheduled this fixture at the familiar Kampung Pandan Sports Complex. Not a venue known for having pristine pitch conditions, but at least RMMers were guaranteed a game in a decent location.

After a tough encounter with bogey team Melwood FC last week, RMM were paired with local rivals James’ Team (JT) this week. Given the history between both teams (derby matches between RMM and JT has always been edgy), this was going to be a battle as well.

As with the previous week, RMM again started with only a squad of 11. Whilst last week’s team featured RMMs resident speedsters, this week’s team had a different look to it, with ‘experience’ replacing speed. This was most evident with the inclusion of the not-exactly-very-fast-but-quite-old Speedy to replace Flash That on the right flank. Experience also came in the form of a guest experience of Gnasher Abdullah, an ex RMM from the days of old, re-known for his temper and powerful shots.

Missing in action was Nitro and Partyman Eddie who were spotted cruising along the highway minutes before the game.

The defense had a major facelift as well as Shark reverted back to keeping goal. The only defender from last week’s game was SiYeh, who was partnered by part time footballer, Singapore Sling Danny. Zig Zack started on the left back position with Gnasher Abdullah filling in on the right back slot.

In the middle of the park, the familiar partnership of Iceman and Guvnor was in place whilst Red Devil Meng stepped up to the left flank from his regular left back position. The experience Speedy (who just celebrated his 62nd birthday last week) was given the freedom of the right flank.

Upfront, it was the regular very large and quite round pairing of Superstar Batigol and Mat Burit.

The re-shuffled RMM pack took some time to gel as JT dominated during the first few minutes forcing a few freekicks from dangerous areas around the RMM box. Fortunately for RMM, Shark was able to smartly repel the free kicks with minimum fuss.

The veterans of RMM then started to claw their way back into the game, evening up the balance of play. JT however, still looked dangerous on the break and on one such occasion, they nearly opened the scoring.

JT’s Ronald McDonald (who looks more like Hamburglar actually!) delicately chipped a through ball right through the middle of RMMs static defense into the path of an on-rushing team mate just outside the RMM box. The ever alert Shark immediately rushed out to clear the danger but only managed an air kick, leaving the JT striker with a run into the empty net. Fortunately for RMM, the snarling Gnasher Abdullah charge unsettled the JT striker enough to put him off his shot, as he blazed it over the RMM bar.

RMM responded almost immediately when Mat Burit managed to control the ball under heavy pressure from the JT backline before laying off to his strike partner, Batigol. RMMs superstar needed no second invitation and let fly a screamer from outside the JT box for RMMs first goal.

The battle hardened veterans of RMM then took control of the game as Guvnor came close with a few headers from set pieces.

The backline also found some consistency although Gnasher tried his best to make things interesting with his powerful clearances that clears the best part of 3 meters.

RMM then had a great opportunity to stretch it’s lead when the powerful Batigol broke through on the right before dragging the ball invitingly across the JT goal. The rotund Mat Burit sprang into action at the far post but only managed to slide the ball into the side netting from 2 yards out.

The miss (and to a lesser extend, the incoming thunderstorm) was so bad that the referee decided to end the first half early.

Both teams were treated to a front seat view of a tropical thunderstorm during the break, with wind and rain lashing in from all angles, submerging more then 75% of the pitch. The weather Gods even threw in a lightning bolt that struck the post that Shark was previously guarding for good measure.

When the rain finally subsided, the match officials decided to continue the game.

With the pitch half submerged, Shark decided he rather keep himself clean and stayed in goal. Mat Burit had the same view but took extreme action by deciding to go home instead. Fortunately for RMM, Blindman Poon had arrived with the thunderstorm and was able to replace the misfiring hitman.

The veterans from RMM proved to be poor at water polo as JT quickly took control of the game. Winning a free kick in a dangerous position on RMMs right, the JT midfielder punted the ball into a puddle right on RMMs six yard box. The result was 3 JT players and the lone Shark diving into the puddle all at once. Fortunately for RMM, Shark emerged from the murky waters with the ball safely in his hands.

With his plans of staying clean in tatters, Shark was now in danger of going down with hyperthermia due to his wet gear.

By now, the JT players had taken almost full control of the game with RMMers finding it difficult to swim and play football at the same time. Unable to effectively clear their lines, the RMM defense was under constant pressure.

Gnasher’s renowned clearances failed him as he was caught time and again by the pacey JT right winger. Hence, it was no surprise when one of those occasions led to JT’s equalizer.

Caught in possession and isolated, Gnasher Abdullah can only watch as the pacey JT winger flew down the right wing before unleashing a powerful shot that skimmed over a few puddles before squirming under the falling Shark.

The score was 1 a piece and with RMM struggling to adapt with the pitch conditions, it wasn’t looking good for the wily veterans.

Bogged down and half drowning, RMMs attacks were limited to set pieces and occasional runs from the recently introduced Blindman Poon.

Against the run of play however, RMM managed to take the lead again. Battling hard against nature and opponents, Batigol managed to squeeze in a shot towards the JT goal. Unfortunately for JT, the shot hot a defender on the hand, right inside the box. The referee had no choice but to award RMM a barely deserved penalty.

Given the rash of misses from the spot over the past few weeks, Guvnor decided to take matters into his own hands (in this case, his right leg) and nominated himself before proceeding to coolly slot past the JT keeper.

RMM then defended it’s 1 goal lead resolutely for the remainder of the game, throwing bodies into puddles and powering clearances from pools.

When the final whistle came, RMMs desperate rear guard action was evident for all to see as the partially submerged pitch had almost dried up from all the sliding and kicking.

Whilst the quality was not there, RMM could be well satisfied with the result of this hard fought victory.

Venue: Kampung Pandan Sports Complex

Starting Line Up: Shark, Zig Zack, SiYeh, Singapore Sling Danny, Gnasher Abdullah, Red Devil Meng, , Guvnor, Iceman, Speedy, Batigol, Mat Burit

Subs: Blindman Poon

Scorers: Batigol, Guvnor