RMM Home Of Real Mucho Malatt

21st June 2009
Venue: Garden Int School

Scorers: Iceman(pen), Flash
Squad: Shark, Snake, Foo, Batigol, SiYeh, OK Danny, Iceman, Guvnor, Jason Yap, Red Devil, Speedie, Thong, Flash, Archi.

After weeks of being down to their bare bones with their already paper thin squad, RMMs Guvnor finally had 14 players to choose from at the awesome GIS pitch. It’s one of the few full sized football pitch using artificial turf in the Klang Valley. Little wonder that some not so bright RMMers were thinking aloud that the game was to be played using futsal rules...

Unlike previous weeks, FARM FC looked to have an age and physical advantage over RMM (which in truth is nothing to shout about if you consider that both of RMM most widely used keepers average @ 5 feet and 40 years old). However, if they were sneaking any peeks at the RMM end during warm up, they surely would have been both impressed and also intimidated by RMMs shooting power. Led by the supremely powerful Batigol, RMM players pounded their keepers like Baghdad during Operations Desert Storm. The booming sounds from their powerful shots were deafening and could been heard from Mont Kiara’s apartments.

As anticipated, the game turned out to be a bruising encounter. Many will scoff at RMMs average age but this was exactly the type of physical battle that the old warhorses of RMM relishes. It was cat and mouse for the first 15 minutes or so but as RMM started to adapt to the artificial surface and easily contained any threats at goal. Although Shark was evidently confused by the array of colorful lines on the pitch, he still managed to put up a reassuring display for his teammates in goal.

A very confused looking Shark

RMM were comfortable without being too threatening themselves with Flash That coming close on only one occasion. His partner upfront, superstar Batigol struggled to keep possession all evening playing as if he was playing with two left feet (and believe us, his left peg is awful). Having said that, RMM didn’t create too much either and when the half chances did come, the Scud Missiles from training became duds. Guess it’s different when you don’t have the luxury of placing the ball down to the exact spot, walking back 10 yards, running up slowly then slamming the ball…..

Suddenly, against the run of play, cue the regular RMM comical defending. Shark collided with OK Danny whilst collecting what appears to be a bread and butter catch. He was however quick enough to recover to a position to pick up the loose ball but was beaten to it by SiYeh who attempted a feeble toe poke clearance. FARM FC somehow failed to capitalize on it in the resulting melee but managed to win a corner kick.

RMM paid for it as the floated corner beat a very static RMM defence. First, SiYeh avoided heading the ball by imitating a tortoise retreating it’s head into it’s shell, then Foo failed to track his man to allow him to smash a diving header past a grounded Shark. 0-1. Cue Guvnor shouting and screaming about the poor marking...

It started pouring down after that and tackles were flying in fast and furious. The half ended with RMM coming close on several occasions but could not find the net.

Guvnor then shuffled the lineup slightly with Archi replacing Shark in goal with Shark lining up alongside Flash That in attack and Foo back on the right flanks. Archie had a nervy start in the torrential rain as he almost gave away a penalty right from the kickoff as he ran off his line and tripped the onrushing FARM FC striker. Luckily for RMM, the idiot stayed on his feet.

But as RMM pushed players forward looking for the equalizer, gaps were appearing at the back especially on the flanks. Thong and Jason did their best to to sweep everything that got behind the fullbacks but were helpless when another diagonal ball was played through leaving Archi one on one with the FARM FC striker beating him with ease. 0-2. Cue more shouting and screaming from Guvnor…

Despite being 2 goals down, RMM responded well and pressed the opposition back into defence to force a corner. From the resulting corner, a penalty was awarded when the FARM FC defender handled the ball during a scramble. Iceman shrugged off offers from a couple of team mates and easily converted the spotkick to make it 1-2. Official photographer of the day, Mama Jo failed to recognize that it was the photographic moment of the day and therefore no pictures of the penalty was taken.

With the opponents rattled, RMM look threatening every time they crossed the halfway line. And in one lovely passing move played out from defence, RMM equalized. The move involved OK Danny, Jason, Snake and Foo who delivered a teasing cross from the right in which That’s blistering pace made sure he got there before the keeper to fire home. 2-2. Superb.

Flash That's equaliser

Ignoring Sepp Blatter’s FIFA rules, the match had a 3rd half. In this half, more changes were made. This time Batigol and Shark spearheaded the attack. However, unlike last week’s successful partnership this time they failed miserably. Both players surrendered possession easily and did not managed to have a single shot at goal. It soon became clear that both sides were tiring fast due to the high tempo. Passes were going all over the place and it soon resemble a ping pong game with both teams just pumping the ball up and down without any real conviction.

Throughout the game, there were many running battles between players from both sides with Guvnor in the thick of it. Special mention also to Flash That and OK Danny who stuck it in with FARM FC’s irritating leftback.

The highlight of the 3rd half was Speedie’s (who had taken Archie’s place between the sticks) little bunny hop to paw a FARM FC hopeful punt upfield whose bounced looked like it had beaten the little oompa loompa. But paw it away he did.

In the end, 2-2 was a fair result for both sides on an enjoyable wet evening.

Our resident pundit and master of the alternate universe's observed that RMM would have had a better result if they were better at 'slicing' like Farm FC. Rumour has it that Guvnor will be ordering 'slicing' training for all RMMers soon.

We look forward to a rematch…

Match report courtesy of Iceman