RMM 5 Chinese Valencia 0

Battling Win

RMM showed this game that they can rumble with the best of them and still play some decent football in the process.

Games with Chinese Valencia (CV) have recently turned into edgy affairs and this game proved to be no different as both teams refused to be intimidated by the other. The situation was not helped by CVs instigator in chief, Fat Fuck, who kept egging his team mates to stick an elbow or boot in at every opportunity.

The game itself was as one sided as it gets with RMM controlling the game from the first whistle and coming close early on. Mat Burit continued his Miss and Hit form by hitting the post again after some close control took him past a prone CV keeper.

RMM continued to pressure and were unable to score despite having several chances via 1 on 1 situations. That was until RMMs striker in form, the superstar Batigol struck. Off another 1 on 1, Flash That could only run directly into the CV keeper who managed to only parry the ball towards the lurking Batigol who slotted home with glee.

At the back, there wasn’t much to do as the hung over Guvnor, playing in goal, spent much of his time trying not to spew. On the other hand, Red Devil Meng who took his customary time to warm up was caught cold several times and on one occasion, was rewarded with a slap in the face by a CV player after a mis-timed tackle. The referee however only deemed it as a yellow offense for both parties.

For all the domination, the wily veterans went into the break with only a single goal lead to show.

RMM continued to dominate in the second half as the Fat Fuck’s constant haranguing started to get in the heads of some frustrated CV players. Heavy challenges and off the ball incidents started creeping into the game as neither team wanted to concede ground.

The situation could have easily been diffused with better officiating but the ref in charge, PowerTrip a/l Egomaniac, had too little between his legs and too big a head to handle a game of this nature.

Informed by Shark that CV players were running rolling substitutions behind his back when the game was going on, PowerTripp could not handle the shame of his inability to control the CV players and chose to book Shark instead.

RMM then scored their second when Mat Burit finally went against his own form to score. The move that lead to the goal summed up RMMs performance. Building from the back when Shark’s timely tackle resulted in the stand in left back passing the ball to Marvelous Marv while on his arse, the resulting interplay between the Nitro, Guvnor and Blindman lead to a quick counter down the left that was finished off by the Master Of Hit and Miss who rounded 2 players and the keeper before slotting home.

PowerTrip’s game then got from bad to worse when he let off Fat Fuck who had blatantly charged Guvnor who was going for a header. The Fat Fuck never even looked at the ball and went straight into Guvnor with his lard laden belly. Even more befuddling was PowerTrip’s decision to only give a CV defender the yellow card when the dirty bastard blatantly smashed Blindman’s knee without ever attempting to play the ball.

That sent the wrong signals to the rest as both teams now realized that you can maim someone on the pitch and get away with only a yellow. Cue more fractious play from both teams and things finally boiled over when Kenny G decided to get in the act by performing a not so subtle knee on the back manoeuvre on a CV striker just outside the RMM box.

The result of that was lots of jostling and posturing from both team - the usual threats of bodily harm that almost always end in some girly shoving and ‘hold me or I’ll hit him’ antics. In between, a CV sub even rushed into the field holding PowerTrips helmet. It was thought that maybe he trying to contain power starved official’s huge head in the small helmet. The most befuddling incident was when a CV player decided to pick the match ball up and hoofed it into the construction site next to the pitch. It was indeed prove that the searing Malaysian sun can do funny things to those with limited brain cells.

The game finally restarted after CV players retrieved the ball from the site. Not surprisingly, Kenny G was only given a yellow card for starting the whole melee.

The resulting freekick did not even trouble the jittery Speedy in goal as the half ended without further incident.

During the break, Guvnor’s team talk was all about keeping heads cool and letting the feet do the talking. The lifetime President also demanded a 5 goal haul in the last half of the game from RMMers.

RMM then came storming out in the 3rd half with Iceman moved up to the coveted striker role. Flash That who had moved back to right back on the second half finally went into goal in the 3rd half.

Iceman’s move up paid instant dividends as the dead ball specialist showed that he can play a bit with a moving ball as well. Latching on a pinpoint through ball from the outstanding Marvelous Mel that had eluded the entire CV defense and their keeper, Iceman coolly and gleefully tapped the ball in from close range.

The on-fire stand in striker the got his second minutes later when he dribbled and stumbled past 2 CV defenders before firing home a low shot to make the game 4-0 to RMM.

Shark who had graduated to right mid from left back then supplied a dangerous cross after a superb through ball by Batigol only to watch the normally deadly Guvnor miss from 3 yards out.

The midfield general made amends minutes later when some quick thinking between new boy Punisher and Guvnor resulted in a quickly taken freekick that saw Guvnor waltzed past the entire CV defense before rounding the CV keeper to slot home RMMs 5th.


In the end, the 5-0 result was a fair reflection on the way the game with RMM playing a comfortable game despite the robust nature of their opponents.

Date: 5 September 2010

Venue: Kampung Pandan Sports Complex

Scorers: Batigol, Mat Burit, Iceman (x 2), Guvnor