RMM 2 Melwood FC 1

The first game in the year of the Tiger proved to be quite an adventure for RMM as the shadowy fixer of fixtures once again led the veterans on another wild goose chase around Wangsa Maju.

With the original tie fixed @ Vlad’s Castle in Section 2 Wangsa Maju, RMMs traveling band soon discovered that the pitch was once again double booked when the same Fat Beady Eyed Bastard turned up looking arrogant and smug, flashing what he claimed was the official receipt for the venue.

As with the previous experienced, RMM and their opponent, Melwood FC were instructed by Mysterious Maniam to move to the next alternative pitch, the Section 4 field.

Both teams were greeted on arrival at the pitch with the sight of large tents pitched on the pitch. Probably courtesy of some community CNY open house. Unfortunately, RMM and Melwood FC were there for a football game and not for festivities.

With both teams resigned to not having a match, Mysterious Maniam then pulled a final rabbit out of his hat by instructing both teams to Kelab Sultan Sulaiman in the heart of KL instead.

When the game finally started 2 hours later, RMMs 11 available players were re-shuffled slightly as Guvnor had pulled his back whilst competing in the Chen Family Wii Olympics.

With that and the knowledge that RMM keepers are there to just mostly make the numbers (and in Speedy’s case, add comedic value), Guvnor decided to start in goal instead of the usual stand in Shark.

The resources available to protect Guvnor were also limited as the RMMers who turned up were more attack orientated. Against a team that RMM had never beaten, the backline comprising of Siyeh and Nitro in the middle with Red Devil Meng and Shark on the left and right respectively hardly inspired confidence.

In the middle of the park, Iceman had to make do with the tired and one legged Partyman Eddie as his partner in crime, whilst RMMs true advantage lay in the flanks where Flash That and Blindman Poon’s blinding pace were expected to do the damage.

Up front, RMM retained it’s very large and a little round combo of Batigol and Mat Burit.

The game started off very evenly as both teams took some time to find their rhythm after 2 hours of driving around the Klang Valley.

Once both teams settled down, the Melwood FC (MFC) backline started to struggle with RMMs blinding pace down the flanks as RMM started to turn the screws. Iceman and Partyman were also enjoying some freedom in the middle, spraying passes around freely. At the back, the defense marshaled by Siyeh looked surprisingly solid with only a few breaches. On those odd occasions, the guilt party tended to be Nitro who seemed unable to grasp the fundamentals of the offside trap.

When one of Blindman’s sonic induced runs resulted in a RMM corner, the super fit veterans took full advantage of it. Iceman’s consistently pin-point corner found the leaping-like-a-salmon Flash That’s head. The result was a header that evaded a sea of bodies to give RMM a deserved 1-0 lead.

Unfortunately for RMM, the joy was short lived as MFCs response was almost immediate. Finally finding some space on the right, the MFC winger cut in to swing in a hopeful cross into the RMM box. With Siyeh and co static, the onrushing MFC striker easily nodded past a stranded Guvnor.

With the score at 1 a piece, the game started to open up a bit as MFC started to make in-roads into the RMM half. Fortunately for the RMM defense, MFCs preferred attacking option was to try and bulldoze or dribble through the center, making their attacks predictable. That however did not mean that RMM had it all their way.

On the other end, RMMs speedsters on the flanks were a constant threat, supplying the strikers with a mixture of good, bad and ugly crosses.

RMM then re-took the lead through another corner. This time, the ever dependable Iceman pin-point near post corner from the left found the lurking Partyman Eddie who proceeded to flick it on to the ever dangerous Batigol. RMMs resident superstar took 2 stabs at the ball before powering it home for a well deserved goal.

Iceman’s precision was called into question later when someone in the stands pointed out that the set piece specialist had actually groaned and muttered ‘SHIT’ aloud the moment the ball left his feet.

With a slim lead, RMMs battle hardened veterans played the half out manfully.

At the start of the second half, MFC introduced their 3 subs in the second half to great effect, adding more speed and zest into their game. With the MFC left winger’s pace was on par with RMMs Blindman Poon, Shark was in for a torrid time.

Shark’s task was not made easier by Iceman’s decision to move Flash That to the right flank. As in most of his games now, Flash That’s runs are very dependant on his mood and his tracking back is almost non existent. On top of that, Flash That also claimed to be suffering from a bout of flu as well, leaving RMMs giant right back with little or no protection.

Fortunately for the stand in right back, the MFC speedster had no left foot, meaning he had to cut in to his right on most runs, nullifying his own pace on the outside.

RMM had a chance to widen it’s lead when Iceman was presented with an opportunity from a freekick outside the MFC box. Curling his shot past the wall easily, the dead ball specialist saw his attempt bounce off the keeper’s left post.

Meanwhile, MFC were making in-roads on all parts of the field as well with their Tall Giant pulling the strings in the middle and were a constant threat to the RMM defense.

MFC nearly equalized when an innocuous punt down RMMs left flank was not dealt with by RMMs Siyeh. Instead of clearing the ball, the Slowest Man in RMM first decided to shepherd the ball out and when he found that the ball was going nowhere, he decided he was a Barca playmaker and tried to turn and swivel his way out of trouble instead.

Unfortunately for Siyeh, he found out the hard way that he is in fact, not a Barca playmaker as he turned himself into trouble and lost possession instead.

Taking full advantage of the situation, the MFC striker fed the ball to an on-rushing team mate who in turn unleashed a thunderbolt towards the RMM goal. Guvnor, RMMs handicapped stand in keeper was forced into a full length dive to palm the ball away. The injured keeper was then forced to spread himself for a second save as his static defense did not react to the rebound. The double save itself was not enough as MFC had a 3rd bite at goal with their winger rushing in and finally shooting past Guvnor on the 3rd attempt.

Unfortunately for MFC, the RMM defense had by then woken up and Shark was on the goal line to head the goal bound shot away, using his entire giant 164cm frame to great effect.

It was not all MFC though as RMMs speedsters were an ever present danger to the MFC backline.

On one of those occasions, Flash That, who had been on a walkabout for most of the half, suddenly woke up and went on a frenetic, mazy run up the right before being up-ended in the box by a desperate lunge form a MFC defender.

Needing a ‘guaranteed’ goal to cushion it’s slender 1 goal lead, RMM deployed their deadliest dead ball specialist for the penalty –Iceman.

Unfortunately for RMM, the ice cool Iceman chose that precise moment to suffer a meltdown. Trying to out psyche the burly MFC keeper, Iceman out psyched his own feet instead and dragged his shot wide on his left.

That miss gave MFC their second wind as they continued to push deeper into the RMM half. RMMs defense in the meantime was gambling on a dangerous offside game. It was hit and miss as MFCs skillful midfielders and forwards tried to play their way thru the middle.

On the other end, Mat Burit found that the MFC defense was not the same as the PJ Chung Hwa defense. Having very little chances, the rotund hit man blew whatever half chances that came his way.

With it’s defense defending with their balls to the walls, the final whistle could not come sooner for RMM.

In the end, it was a very satisfying result for RMMs first fixture in the year of the Tiger, beating it’s bogey team for the first time with a less than ideal starting 11 (or one could argue that maybe this is THE ideal starting 11).

Venue: Kelab Sultan Sulaiman

Starting Line Up: Guvnor, Red Devil Meng, SiYeh, Nitro, Shark, Blindman Poon, Partyman Eddie, Iceman, Flash That, Batigol, Mat Burit

Subs: None

Scorers: Flash That, Batigol