RMM 3 Friends FC 1

RMM are not known to be good travelers as there are some RMMers who are well known for their lack of having a sense of direction and there are others who are well known for their tardy timekeeping. Add the 2 together and throw in a new fixture in a part of town foreign to everyone, you’ll end up with an irritated RMM management who had no choice but to put up with a certain member’s tardiness and tail gating just to ensure the veterans had a starting 11.

Once there, the pitch itself threw in a few surprises as well. Small and tight (we’re referring to the football pitch here), it resembled Highbury with it’s immaculate playing condition. It was however, surrounded by either sloping roads leading to highways or walls resembling Vlad The Impaler’s castle.

The ever reliable Shark started yet again in goal and had only 2 saves to make. Both coming from overhit backpasses from his backline comprising of Siyeh, Nitro, Zig Zag and Snake. Guvnor was running the engine room with Iceman and they were ably supported by the blinding speed of Blindman Poon and painfully slow Speedy on the flanks. Upfront, off form hitman was partnered with the returning Flash That.

Needless to say, the pitch perfectly RMMs quick passing and running game as the ultra fit veterans quickly took control of the game. Blindman Poon was having a blinder using his unpareralled speed to cause havoc on the Friends FC (FFC) defense. The end product from the Blindman however, continues to exasperate his team mates as the legally blind speedster’s seemed to only be able to locate Guvnor and no one else with his crosses. It was as though his sonar system had only keyed in 1 voice in his voice recognition system. The Blindman also found it difficult to locate the opponent’s goal as well resulting in several missed opportunities to go for goal himself.

After some serious ear bashing from his teammates in the first few minutes, the Blindman then managed to recalibrate his sonar system and opened the scoring for RMM after another blinding run down the right before scoring from a tight angle.

Mat Burit then stole the show when his powerful attempt cleared all fences before ending up in the MRR2. The chrome domed hitman took a full 15 minutes to recover the ball and had to pay a RM2 toll as well.

It was all about the Blindman in the first half as the sonically enhanced winger then smashed home a beautiful goal from outside the box into the top right corner of FFCs goal.

RMM went into the break with comfortable 2 goal lead. As usual, RMMs 2 tallest players, Shark and Speedy then swapped positions with Shark partnering Mat Burit upfront. Flash That was then moved out to the left to accommodate the Shark and Mat Burit partnership,

If Blindman was the man in the first half, the second belonged to Flash That. Whenever he bothered to make a run for the ball, the speedster was devastating.

On the first dangerous run down the left flank, the flashy winger smashed his attempt hard across the FFC goal, forcing the FFC keeper to parry the ball onto an on rushing Shark. Unfortunately for the wily fox-in-the-box, he inexplicably side footed the ball onto the corner flag for RMMs first contender for Miss Of The Season for 2010.

On the second occasion, Flash That again tried going across but this time with a deft chip. Unfortunately for the fast but lazy winger, the FFC keeper pulled off another good save. This time, clutching the ball safely. Not bad for a player who was described as the ‘Slowest player in the Klang Valley’ by the slowest player in the Klang Valley himself, SiYeh.

RMM were almost made to pay for these misses as FFC mounted a fightback and scored to make it 2-1. An speculative attempt through a sea of legs completely fooling Speedy who could only stand and watch the ball roll in right next to him.

It was third time lucky for Flash That as the speedster finally got his goal from an almost identical run from the earlier 2 attempts. This time however, he decided to go for the near post instead and was rewarded by a neat goal.

FFC made 1 final attempt to salvage the game but the great wall that's known as Speedy then atoned for his earlier gaffe when he made a point blank save to stop a second FFC goal with what may be the save of the season.

The game was over as a contest after that as both team decided it was not worth risking another run down the MRR2 to pick any more stray shots. With the game petering out, RMMers Zig Zack and Shark then decided to spice things up a bit by getting involved in some verbals and language courses with FFC players.

Venue: Sec 2, Wangsa Maju

Starting line up: Shark, Siyeh, Nitro, Snake, Zig Zack, Guvnor, Iceman, Speedy, Blindman Poon, Flash That, Mat Burit

Subs: None

Scorers: Blindman Poon (x 2), Flash That

RMM 3 Chinese Chelsea 0

RMMs chance for revenge in this grudge match against Chinese Chelsea (CC) came earlier than expected when the man pulling all the strings, Maniam, decided to pair the teams together again less than a month after the year ending altercation.

With the speedsters back, RMM had every chance of achieving the 6 nil victory that Guvnor demanded and things looked good at the start when the veterans ran the show, stroking the ball around confidently. This was also helped by the fact that CC started with only 10 players!

The early pressure by RMM resulted in a few corners and as seasoned RMM observers will note, RMM are quite adept with set pieces. This proved to be the case as tiny Titan rose high above everyone else to head home after some neat work off a short corner from Flash That and Iceman. This was no surprise the physically imposing defender had threatened in earlier set pieces leading up to his goal.

With the engine room of Guvnor and Iceman bossing the middle of the park, RMM controlled the game but were unable to turn possession into goals. The wide boys were finding the going tough as the flanks of the pitch were so overgrown that a prone Shark could easily disappear from sight!

RMM did however come close on a few occasions with Guvnor hitting the bar from 30 yards out and Mat Burit slamming over from a considerably nearer distance.

The second goal finally came for RMM when Flash That’s snapshot from just outside the box surprised the CC’s goalkeeper into weakly slapping the ball into his own net.

On the side of the pitch, the most exciting moment for RMMs backline was the attempted theft of Shark’s wallet by a supporter disguised a RMMs coach. An eagle eye linesman spotted the crime before the alert Zig Zack apprehended the criminal coach. One wonders however, what the linesman was doing looking at the crowd behind him during the game.

With a 2 goal lead, RMM was expected to build on it in the second half in order to achieve Guvnor’s 6 goal target. Unfortunately, the lack of match fitness, various substitution and positional changes all contributed to a less than cohesive display from the battle hardened veterans.

Flash That who was moved to the flanks to accommodate Shark’s switch to the striker role decided that he will only move when he felt like doing so. And he didn’t have that feeling much. Blindman Poon carried on where he left off in the first half, which was running down blind alleys before botching all attempts to cross.

Mat Burit then bettered his first half miss by producing a near miraculous double miss. Having gone clean through the CC defense, he slammed the ball directly into the CC keeper before poking the rebound over the bar right on the 6 yard line.

RMMs third goal came via Guvnor who controlled Flash That’s cut back before half volleying into the CC goal from just inside the box.

The game was more even this half as the CC players managed to get into some dangerous positions but rarely threatened the rock steady Speedy in goal. Bored by the relative inactivity, Zig Zack decided to add some spice into the game by throwing his weight around with some heavy body checks.

Shark, who had a quiet game upfront, almost scored with the last kick of the game when he took advantage of a misunderstanding between CCs keeper and last man to stretch and poke a speculative shot towards the CC goal. Unfortunately for the formerly deadly striker, the ball hit the CCs keeper’s leg before rolling out.

The game ended at 3-0 with RMM falling short of Guvnor’s 6-0 target. There was however no ranting or raving from Guvnor as RMM found out from their supporters that Criminal Coach had promised the team RM3,000 reward for a win.

Venue: Kampung Pandan Sports Complex

Starting line up: Shark, Aeroplane King Beng Koh, Titan, Snake, Siyeh, Guvnor, Iceman, Speedy, Blindman Poon, Flash That, Mat Burit

Subs: Zig Zack, Red Devil Meng

Scorers: Titan, Flash That, Guvnor

New Reporting Format

Note that there will be a new shorter, more concise report format due to the lack of readership (many thanks for our most fervent supporter, Coach Worden though) and also sensitivity of RMMers @ the perceived 'criticism'.

The original reports were written with tongue firmly in cheek in order to add more spice up what may have been uninteresting games. Unfortunately, certain quarters chose to see this as personal attacks.

As such, all future reports will be written in brief and with as little 'garnishing' as possible.

Do note however that the blog still accepts (and encourages) comments from all readers and RMMers to give their own versions of events / reports.

RMM v Beach Boys in Pictures

Partyman Eddie showing off his color co-ordination

All ready for kick off

Guvnor being shadowed by Beach Boy's Coach

Shark laying off for the marauding Red Devil Meng

Blindman Poon running down another blind alley

RMM 2 Beach Boys 3

The second fixture of the year pitched RMM against Beach Boys, another long time arch nemesis of the wily veterans.

Played on a venue that was completely new to RMM, this game was on paper, another easy fixture to help maintain RMMs winning start to the year. It was however, not to be.

The game started well enough for the veterans as RMM took a deserved lead in the first of 3 halves. Guvnor fired home from close range after a goal mouth melee. The ageless veterans however found it hard to get into rhythm in the tight Highbury-like pitch.

Matters were not helped by Beach Boy’s defence defending high up as it meant that most through balls were overhit and RMMs frontline (not to be named due to sensitivity of certain RMMers) being caught offside time and again. On the rare occasions when RMM managed to spring the offside traps, the Beach Boy’s in-form keeper proved to be a major stumbling block.

Things started going downhill in the second half for RMM when stand-in keeper Partyman Eddie let a Beach Boys cross bounce across RMMs goal. Unfortunately for RMMs resident Massage Parlor Tester, a Beach Boy was hiding at the far post and easily slotted the ball home to equalize.

Things didn’t get better for RMM in the 3rd half when Beach Boy’s Coach curled in a freekick past RMMs stand-in keeper to stand-in keeper Siyeh. SiYeh’s inexperience in goal was sorely exposed on this occasion as he had covered the near post that was covered by his wall, leaving the very tall Shark to cover the rest of the goal. Needless to say, the ball sailed over Shark into the net despite the veteran’s best effort to leap like a salmon.

It got worse for RMM minutes later when Beach Boy’s playmaker Ah Kiong outpaced Titan to roll home Beach Boy’s 3rd goal in slow motion. SiYeh’s desperate dive reminded everyone of Matrix’s slow mo effects.

With the score at 3 – 1, RMMs veterans did not give up and managed to score a consolation through Red Devil Meng. Having had a torrid 2 halves in defense, the ever willing veteran produced a swashbuckling run down the right and fired home for a rare goal.

The 3-2 defeat meant that RMMs claims of always wins by a single goal in matches against Beach Boys has just gone right out the window.


Venue: Kampung Baru

Starting line up: Partyman Eddie, SiYeh, Titan, Snake, Red Devil Meng, Guvnor, Iceman, Shark, Blindman Poon, Batigol, Mat Burit

Subs: Zig Zack

Scorers: Guvnor, Red Devil Meng

RMM 4 Holanchai FC 2

It was the first game of the year for RMM but the evergreen veterans carried with them not only their form from last year but also their fire as well.

Once the bogey ground for RMM, the vast pitch of the Stadium Raja Muda is fast becoming a happy hunting ground for the wily veterans. The early signs were not good though as RMM only had 2 subs available as back up on this energy sapping pitch. To make matters worse, all of RMM speedsters were also missing for this tie.

RMM however were quick off the mark and drew first blood in the match when Superstar Batigol burst into the penalty box like a wild elephant only to be brought down by a brave Holanchai FC (HFC) defender. The foul occurred deep inside the HFC box but RMM were only awarded a freekick outside the box and the offending HFC defender was only shown a yellow card.

The 4th official explained later that FIFA had passed a new ruling stating that penalties and red cards are not applicable for fouls in the box for friendly games.

Nevertheless, the Ice cool Iceman stepped up and duly curled the ensuing freekick into the top right hand corner of HFC's goal.

HFC soon got into the game and tested Shark with some deep crosses that were easily dealt with by the giant keeper.

The closest HFC came to scoring was from a direct freekick outside the RMM box that was smartly parried away by the diving giant keeper.

Given the size of the pitch and the number of ageing players available for the game, RMMs best chance of getting a result was through set pieces and solid defending.

The first half ended with the score at 1-0 and RMM were looking comfortable. Much would depend on the fitness level of the veterans in the second half.

Against the odds, the wily veterans 2-0 up not long after the re-start. Off Iceman’s corner, RMMs King Of Headers, Guvnor powered home a free header after peeling off to lose his marker header. Not the tallest of players, Guvnor’s uncanny ability to score from headers has always been a rich source of goals for RMM.

RMM then went further ahead when the still improving SiYeh, flighted in a pinpoint through ball into the path of the onrushing Batigol. Tackling a charging bull elephant from behind was 1 thing, but stopping one head on was an entirely different matter. With the keeper frozen in fear, RMMs playboy superstar easily lobbed the ball into HFCs goal.

RMM were turning on the style and with the score at 3-0, many had thought that the game was over as a contest.

That could not be further from the truth as RMM decided to make things more interesting.

Hardman Joe decided to carry on from where he left off last year and collected a yellow card before proceeding to floor a HFC player whilst defending a corner.

The resulting penalty was easily slotted home by HFCs Big Tall Basterd. Shark had guessed the correct side to throw himself to but was too slow and ruptured his spleen after landing hard on his side.

Guvnor then tried to calm things down by trying to substitute the seething Hardman Joe and bringing in the limping Partyman Eddie.

Unfortunately for all parties involved, the full time party organizer had bandaged his injured limbs too tightly and it resulted in him losing feel of all bodily functions below his waist.

Whilst everyone waited for some blood to rush back into the areas below Partyman’s waist, blood had rushed to Hardman Joe’s head as the Fight Club President Of Malaysia decided to take a huge chunk out of Big Tall Basterd’s shin, earning him a second yellow.

That left the tiring veterans down to 10 men with a 2 goal lead.

Sensing the momentum shifting, HFC mounted a late assault and the lead was cut down to one minutes later. A HFC striker dribbled his way into the penalty box and left 2 tiring RMM defenders for dead before slotting home. The super fit Nitro was left prone on the ground with cramps on both legs in the aftermath.

With the score at 3-2, the team tiring and on a huge pitch, one would expect RMM to pack the defense in a bid to defend the 1 goal lead. This was however not the case as RMM continued to try to counter attack, leaving the tiring attackers way upfield, exposing the brittle defense.

HFC then came close to equalizing when their right winger easily ran past a tired RMM defense out wide before horribly slicing his intended cross towards the RMM goal. Expecting a cross, Shark was caught out of position and had to use his entire giant 5’4” frame to palm the ball away before Zig Zack cleared.

RMM finally killed the game off when Iceman’s pin point set piece hit Partyman Eddie, who finally had blood flowing back to his nether region, on the head into the HFC goal.

That proved to be the last act of the game as the match officially blew the final whistle immediately after the goal.

Venue: Stadium Raja Muda

Starting line up: Shark, Aeroplane King Beng Koh, Titan, Red Devil Meng, Nitro, Guvnor, Iceman, Hardman Joe, Partyman Eddie, Batigol, Mat Burit

Subs: Siyeh, Zig Zack

Scorers: Iceman, Guvnor, Batigol, Partyman Eddie

RMM 2 Chinese Chelsea 1

27th December

It was the last game of the season against arguably one of RMM's weakest opponents. This spelt time for changes and again Guvnor reversed his formation where all the attacking players played in defence and the defence played in midfield and attack.

The experiment looked like it was going to be a roaring success as RMM scored early in the game. The goal came via one of the most unexpected scorer, Singapore Sling Danny. Snake had collected the ball outside Chinese Chelsea’s box and proceeded to slalom through a static Chinese Chelsea (CC) defence before tripping over himself with the goal at his mercy. The ball rolled kindly towards Singapore Sling Danny who coolly steered the ball right inside the post for his first and last goal for the season. After falling to pieces in front of goal, Snake also earned himself another title….Jigsaw.

RMM could have double the lead when the laboring Shark played a superb 1-2 with fellow Midfield General for the day Aeroplane King Beng Koh before skewing his shot well wide with only the keeper to beat.

CC however managed to carve out and equalizer as RMM started to struggle with the formation changes. To matter matters worse, the heavy pitch nullified RMMs superior footwork as RMMers were constantly stuck on the ankle deep mud.

A CC run down the inside right of the field saw a hopeful cross cum shot towards the RMM goal float over the stand-in keeper SiYeh and into the right hand corner to tie the score at 1-1. Speedy may not have been in goal, but his spirit was definitely there.

The half ended all square as both teams struggled on the muddy patch of grass that was passed off as a football pitch by the officials.

RMM managed a second goal from yet another unlikely source, SiYeh. Off a corner from, the courage challenged defender flicked the ball on at the front post past the static CC defenders into the net.

The goal proved to be the winner as the match descended into a farce as both teams decided that it was more fun kicking each other rather than the ball.

Hardman Joe proved true to form with his running battle with CC’s muscular Yellow Hulk. Proving that his brain size did not match his physique, Yellow Hulk then decided to throw his considerable frame against Singapore Sling Danny and Guvnor.

The last battle of sly elbows and kicks with Guvnor proved to be the final straw as Aeroplane King Beng Koh decided to make his feelings known as well. This was the cue for both sets of players to start the year ending shoving match that prompted the match officials to end the season prematurely.

RMM 5 Tiger FC 3

20th December

The early signs were not good for RMM as the rapidly ageing veterans (whom many have adopted the motto - 40s is the new 30s) found that the fixture was at one of their least favorite grounds, Stadium Raja Muda with its huge pitch with one of their bogey teams, Tiger FC.

There were some positive points however, as the turnout for the team was good, giving the Guvnor more options and the further inspection on Tiger FCs team sheet also revealed many new players.

The game started well for RMMs wily veterans as the team’s young superstar with the playboy lifestyle, Batigol turned his marker to unleash a powerful shot to the top right hand corner with his right leg after receiving a pass from Guvnor just outside the penalty box. Given his considerable girth, the turn was phenomenal to say the least.

RMMs lead did not last long as Tiger FC (TFC) leveled the score with a powerful free kick from just outside the box after Hardman Joe stumbled and fouled a TFC striker. The resident hothead tried to redeem himself by guarding the far post but was further embarrassed when the ensuing freekick thundered in just inches above his head whilst he had his eyes closed.

RMM managed to take the lead again as the on-form Superstar Batigol dispossessed TFCs leftback and ‘sprinted’ down the right flank like a mad bull elephant in heat before squaring the ball to the lurking Mat Burit. The Chrome Domed Hitman touch was too heavy and it gave the TFC keeper the opportunity to close the angles. Mat Burit however still managed a shot in which the TFC keeper unwittingly parried into the path off a back pedaling defender before rebounding into the goal for a fortuitous own goal.

The halftime score was at 2-1 and RMM were good value for that lead.

The age challenged RMMers then went 3-1 up at the start of the second half when the desperately in need of confidence Mat Burit finally scored after a scramble in TFC's penalty box. TFC’s keeper had managed to get a hand to the ball but was unable to stop it from nestling in the far right hand corner.

TFC then pulled a goal back to make the score 3-2 when a harmless cross from the left dropped just in front of Spiderman Speedy, RMMs second half keeper. True to form, the Master Of The Alternate Universe hesitated and it gave the lurking TFC striker an easy chance to slot the ball into an open goal.

RMM regained its 2 goal lead when Superstar Batigol floated a free kick into the opponent's penalty box towards RMMs battering ram and King Of Headers, Guvnor. The freekick had initially looked like it was not accurate enough as it was out of Guvnor’s despairing dive. As it turned out, the kicked was actually perfectly disguised as the ball bounced into the net unhindered. Pundits revealed later during the final game analysis that the real ‘trickery’ behind the set piece was Shark’s 50 yard dash towards Superstar Batigol in the run up to the kick that confused everyone.

With the score at 4-2, RMM then gave TFC another lifeline went off a corner, TFC managed a weak header towards the goal. Unfortunately for RMM, it was directed at the outrageously tall Shark at the far post. Needless to say, the giant part time keeper only managed to head the ball off the post into his own goal to make the score 4-3.

Shark then almost made amends for it when he latched on to a slightly overhit through ball from Superstar Batigol to power in a shot from a narrow angle. Unfortunately for the once feared predator, the TFC goalkeeper was up to the task and managed to parry the ball away for a corner.

The game was finally settled with when the circling Shark scored the final goal of the game. Blindman Poon, who had been creating havoc throughout the game and drawing fouls and yellow cards for TFC, marauded down the left flank to rake in a telling pass for Shark to slot in with a cool finish.

The full time score was 5-3 as RMM slayed the demons of the bogey pitch and opponents with a single sword on a balmy evening on a sodden pitch.