RMM 4 Greenies 2

With players back from holidays, suspensions, injuries and a general lack of interest, RMM actually had a semblance of a squad with @ least 2 subs available for this Maniam’s League fixture.

Playing Greenies for the first time, RMM were also looking to continue a good run of form in the League that will keep the veterans near the top of the table.

The early signs were good for RMM as they welcomed back the travelling Beng Koh into the squad. The ever (un)reliable Aeroplane King anchored the defense rotating with Siyeh and Danny. Complemented by Snake and Red Devil Meng on the sides, the back 4 looked every bit like a slow but solid unit.

Shark who was itching to show off his new Nike Tiempo boots after signing a mega blockbuster deal with the sportswear giant started the game in goal again. The thousands of RMM fans that packed the venue were hoping that with these new boots, the giant keeper’s goalkicks will finally be able to clear his own penalty box.

The usual duo of Guvnor and Iceman powered the engine room with Hardman Joe back in the team running the right flank. Speedy also signed a mega deal this week, penning a deal with the Togo FA to don their bandana. He also adopted the name Speedibayor for the game and completed the quartet on the left flank.

Upfront, RMMs deadliest duo of Flash That and Superstar Batigol led the line with an awesome combination of lightning speed and awesome power.

Seasoned observers would have noticed by now that the RMM warm up sessions are a spectacle in itself. There are 2 RMM teams that turns up for these warm up sessions.

There is the team that would absolutely bamboozle everyone in attendance with their intense power and accuracy. This team will leave the keepers in awe of all the goal bound shots that would absolutely burn their palms if they attempted to stop any of them. In most instances, this form will most likely not be replicated during the real game.

Then there is the other team that will send the balls high into the stands or nearby building roofs without ever troubling the keeper. In most instances here, this form will most likely be replicated during the real game.

Either way, these warm up sessions seem to be working for RMM as the pumped up RMMers have started all their recent games strongly. This week was no exception as RMM started on the front foot pressuring Greenies early on.

It was no surprise then when RMM took the lead early on with Guvnor lashing home a first timer from Hardman Joe’s low cross on the right.

RMM were cruising and an afternoon stroll for RMM looks on the card when Greenies shocked everyone with the equalizer against the run of play.

Breaking from the left, Greenies found acres of space left vacant by Snake who had ventured way up field looking for field mice. Aeroplane King Beng Koh managed to glide in to cover that space but was in turn left exposed when the Geenies played the ball across to the left. The onrushing Greenie striker unleashed a shot that ricocheted around the box before hitting the back of the RMM net.

1-1 and Shark hasn’t even used his spanking new boots yet.

RMM got back down to business and took the lead again through Superstar Batigol. The ever industrious Hardman Joe played a superbly timed long ball to leave the onrushing RMM Superstar with an 1 on 1 situation with the Greenies keeper. The onrushing mammoth must have been a sight to behold as it left the keeper cowering on the floor. Superstar Batigol then walked the ball into the net. Cue the fist pumping, eye bulging celebrations.

Red Devil Meng then made a rampaging run that resulted in a superb effort that was just saved by the Greenies keeper. Loyal followers of RMM will know that this was indeed a rare sight.

RMM then took total control of the game and went further ahead when a speculative punt from Meng from the middle of the park was headed into the Greenies goal by a panicking Greenies defender.

In what is developing to be a disturbing pattern, RMM then again left the opponents with a back door into the game by conceding a 2nd goal just before halftime.

Failing to effectively clear a corner after Snake had headed the ball off the line, 3 on-rushing defenders RMM defenders were unable to stop the Greenie striker from unleashing a powerful shot on the turn at the edge of the box. Shark was seen throwing the considerable frame in a vain effort to stop the goal bound short.

3-2 at halftime and teacups were quietly hidden away by Mrs Beng Koh in case the halftime team talk got a bit heated.

Guvnor decided to continue playing Shark in goal to ensure solidity at the back. That was however nullified by his decision to play Nitro in the left back position.

RMM went out to completely boss the second half. The loss of Hardman Joe to a family function was covered by the introduction of Blindman Poon, who added more speed into the RMM offensive unit. Mat Burit added more guile to the unit as well.

Having said that, no RMM game will be complete without a having defensive lapse or two.

Nitro was the main culprit in this area. His under hit back pass to Shark was just a taste of what was to come. His foul throw will go down in RMM folklore. Sauntering up to prepare the throw in, instructions not to muck the throw in up flew at him from all direction. Yet, the result of that was… a foul throw.

Beng Koh also weighed in with his share of comic relief. Playing the Angry Mad Man, Beng Koh was seen throwing himself into challenges everywhere, instructing his team mates to get out of his way. At one point, he even verbally abused the ball after clearing it. The Mad Man act must have worked as everyone seems to have stayed away from him.

In between, the game got a bit tasty with niggly fouls and outright challenges all over the pitch. Many resulted on freekicks just outside the RMM box. As it turned out, none of the freekicks were threatening and those that were on target was easily dealt with by the very bored Shark – who also found out that his spanking new boots hadn’t helped with his goalkicks.

With the game still in the balance, Guvnor finally had enough of Nitro’s constant blunders and to the relief of everyone, replaced him with Speedibayor, who although half his size but is twice the defender.

RMM finally finished off the game with a typically flowing move. Guvnor scored his 2nd of the day when he powered home from cushioned pass by Mat Burit after some nifty footwork by Blindman Poon on the left.

With yet another high scoring win, RMM are now in a great position for a strong final push at the Championship…

Pixs courtesy of Mr and Mrs Beng Koh

Dances with (RMM) wolves - RMM v James' Team

The ref checking out Guvnor's Saturday Night Fever moves

Iceman with his version of Limbo Rock

Foo and his Chicken Dance

Fleet footed Superstar Batigol with his POWERSHOT

Shark showing his Cha Cha moves (and bald spot)


Pictures courtesy of Mr and Mrs Beng Koh

RMM 5 James Team 2

21/09/09, Raja Muda Stadium

Scorers: Yung(2), Gary, Foo(2)
Squad: Guvnor, Meng, Jason, Shaunn, SiYeh, Iceman, Foo, Yung, Speedie, Shark, Gary, Eddie, Thong.

A special Hari Raya derby was arranged by the fixture computer with early arrived RMM players all looking towards the ground entrance hoping to see 11 players coming in. The surprise appearance by aircond expert Yung was a big welcome and was probably the difference as many others have decided to take a holiday break.

James requested the game to be played in 3 thirds as the local rivals hoping to gain some advantage knowing we only had 2 players in reserve compared to their 5 or 6. RMM accepted without a fuss and lined up with the sore-kneed Guvnor in goal, Meng, Jason, Beng Koh and Si-Yeh in defence, a slightly unbalanced looking midfield consisting Iceman, Foo, Yung and Speedie and the big small combo of Batigol and Shark in attack.

The game started exactly the same way the last 3 games played on this ground as RMM scored another quick goal. Seconds after kick-off, Yung picked up a loose ball just inside James half and immediately ran at the defence who appeared shellshocked with his pace and determination. Before they could react, he was already one on one with the keeper and cooly fired home another contender for the fastest goal of the season.

James side responded instantly almost equalised when Rio Ferdinand’s biggest fan Si Yeh decided to test his fellow defenders by passing straight to the opposition striker at the edge of the box. To his relief, the goal attempt was weak and off target. Moments later, a hopeful ball into the box caught the RMM defence napping but not the goalkeeping great Guvnor who was alert of the danger. He received a badly bruised thigh for his troubles though and was playing with a red mist from then on. Despite the warnings, RMM’s slack defending was punished 10 minutes later when the striker got on the wrong side of Meng and was duly taken down by Guvnor to concede a penalty. The great keeper had no chance with the well placed spotkick. 1-1.

It was a scrappy game after that as both sides kept fouling each other and happy to finish the half at 1-1 although RMM forwards were unfortunate not to get a second goal despite some good play down the wings.

As usual changes were made at the break. Guvnor returns to his favored place in midfield leaving goalkeeping responsibilities in the legendary hands of Speedie. Fast tiring Yung was given a rest with partyman Eddie making a brief appearance on the right flank as versatile futsal star Foo was deployed on the left.

Although James introduced more fresh legs to his side after the break, it was the battle hardened oldies of RMM who dominated. Even Si-yeh looked a totally different player as he started tackling like a 19 year old alongside the no-nonsense Beng Koh as they repelled everything that came close to the box. The unusually quiet Batigol was sent away to the right by Guvnor after winning the ball in midfiled, easily outpaced two equally fat defenders. Despite being forced out wide, the superstar’s shot somehow deceived the goalie and found its way into the back of the net to put RMM back in front. The now familiar (and annoying) one man goal celebration is heard again.

With the defence looking solid and the attack rampant, it was only a matter of time before RMM grabbed a 3rd goal and it came in a rather strange and comedic way from Foo. They futsal maestro worked his way from the left flank into the box and was sent tumbling as he cried for a penalty. The ref however waved play on, everyone else seemed to moved in slow motion, as Foo managed picked himself up and danced around the keeper and a defender before slotting the ball in off the far post. 3-1 RMM.

Minutes later the match ended as a contest as Foo grabbed his second. The unstoppable Batigol made his way to the edge of the box only to find himself facing a sea of defenders. With everyone expecting him to barge his way through he fooled them all with a clever backheel to the tireless Foo. The futsal star had a clear run at goal easily converted the chance despite the keeper getting a hand to it. Shark however nearly stole it on the goal line but decided otherwise as he in an offside position.

Shark, Eddie and Jason all came close to adding to the score but the finishing let them down. RMM ended the half happy but still unsatisfied with the score. Some slight changes were made for the final half as the weary looking shark took over in goal. With victory guaranteed, Guvnor gave a hint that he might see red as he seeks vengeance.

The energetic Yung was again causing havoc with his persistence by forcing defenders into mistakes and was rewarded with a second goal. He charged down a clearance while leaving another rooted with his pace and slotted past the helpless keeper to make it 5-1.

With players tiring, mistakes began to creep into the RMM defence again. Meng (the other Rio Ferdinand fan) with time and space somehow decided to pass straight to the opponent who gladly accepted and dash towards goal as the others can only watch. The ball was played into the middle where the tall striker easily scored. 5-2 as Meng held hands up in apology.

The rest of the game saw Guvnor chasing his red card with some hard tackles as Shark, Iceman, Batigol and Si-Yeh collected their yellow cards. Foo also missed a great opportunity to claim a hattrick. At the end it was a great result over the “noisy” neighbours. Bring on the next game!

*Report compliments of Iceman

RMM 5 All White 3

Going into the Raya break, there was a break in the Maniam League too. With that, RMM played a hastily arranged friendly instead to keep fitness levels up.

Playing the All Whites for the first time and with no points at stake, RMM experimented with a 4-3-3 formation.

With a paper thin squad, lifetime president Guvnor decided to rest the 103 year old Speedy and played him in goal for this game to allow the geriactic winger some rest between league games.

The backline was somewhat unchanged with JASON (apologies from writer for earlier ommission!) , Meng, Danny and Snake strung across the back lending some consistency to the team.

In the middle of the park, the trio of Guvnor, Hardman Joe and Iceman controlled the traffic whilst the frontline consisted of Superstar Batigol, Mat Burit and Shark.

The game proved to be an exciting one with RMM signaling their intent early on when Mat Burit and Guvnor combined well to put RMM ahead but the goal was harshly adjudged to be offside.

That didn’t stop RMM from taking the lead thru Superstar Batigol and it looked like just a matter of time before RMM was going to rack up a cricket score.

Then against the run of play, the All Whites equalized via what looked like a fluke cross that ended up at the top corner of Speedy’s goal.

RMM then seized control of the game again with goals from Guvnor and Hardman Joe to end the half 3-1 up and in cruise control. The experimental 4-3-3 formation looked like it was working and with a bit of luck and better finishing, RMM could have had an even bigger lead before the break.

The All Whites started the second half more aggressively and managed to pull a goal back at the restart to make the score 3-2 and that signaled the start of a see saw battle that saw both teams attack end to end with great aplomb.

RMM then restored the 2 goal lead with Superstar Batigol once again showing great speed and power to score his second of the day.

The 2 goal lead didn’t last long as All White’s once again pulled a goal back making the score 4-3. Suddenly, it didn’t look like such as cruise for RMM anymore.

The game was still played at a frenetic pace and finally settled when RMM managed a fifth goal thru the woefully off form Shark. Played in by a recovering Partyman Eddie, the all time RMM goal scoring record holder managed to pull off a rare goal from outside the box.

The goal finally ended the All White’s resistance and the game ended as a contest then. There was time however for Hardman Joe to show off his hard side when he was sent off for his part in an altercation with an All White player.

RMM3 Kunt Team 1

After last week’s drubbing at the Stadium Raja Muda, the last thing RMM needed was another game at that venue. But that was what RMM got and just to make it a bit more interesting the fixture list computer (aka M.A.N.I.A.M) decided that it was high time RMM played Kunt Team again as well.

For those who have not been following RMM religiously (boo! hiss! Shame on you!), the matches between RMM and Kunt Team has always been tasty affairs to say the least. Some of the more memorable occasions include the face scratching of Iceman, the in-your-face goal celebrations on a proned Guvnor, the sight of GoggleMan taking on Blindman Poon and the BO emitted by their striker that discourages man marking.

The last meeting between the two teams had also ended heated circumstances when Kunt Team intimidated the match official into running off.

RMMers could then be forgiven for thinking that this was an afternoon to forget. Having said that, RMM did have their speedsters back in the team for this occasion so the squad for this game was the strongest RMM had for a while.

All of RMMs fears of another bad day in the office dissipated within seconds of the restart. With Kunt Team kicking off, Speedy showed some of his old speed by intercepting a Kunt Team pass and relayed it over to Superstar Batigol. The nimble forward swiftly turned his man and set Flash That off with a perfect through ball.

Showing the speed that RMM sorely missed last week, Flash That easily outpaced the Kunt defense before sending an inviting low cross across the Kunt six yard line. To everyone’s surprise, Blindman Poon was waiting right there to finish off the quicksilver move with a smart left footed finished.

With his sonar system in full force, Blindman Poon then turned on a Man Of The Match performance that left all of Kunt Team’s defense in disarray with @ least 3 of them earning Yellow Cards from trying to stop the now flying Blindman.

In the process, he also earned RMM a penalty when he was upended by a Kunt defender whilst going for a cross from Hardman Joe on the right.

With the Kunt players strangely quiet and not arguing over the decision, stand-in keeper Shark did not have the opportunity to sneak up to claim the spot kick. Iceman then coolly slotted it past the keeper making it 2 nil for RMM.

Upfront, Kunt Team were not exactly firing from all cylinders but they somehow managed to pull a goal back just before the half ended.

Off a corner, a Kunt player managed to steer a header towards goal that was easily fielded by the giant Keeper. Trying to play the ball up fast, Shark punted the ball up for Mat Burit who was not able to control the ball. A Kunt player pounced on it and lobbed a hopeful ball back to the RMM box.

Shark then inadvertly dropped what would have been an easy catch at the feet on a Kunt striker who coolly took the ball past the shell shocked Shark before slotting the ball into the net.

Kunt team then tried to mount a fightback but the RMM defense stood firm until the end of the half.

RMM started the second half with Shark still goal to protect the slender lead. Goalkeeping legend, the 138 year old Speedy was kept on the left wing to nullify Kun Team’s speedy right winger and this worked a treat for RMM a Shark spent almost the entire second half pacing aimless up and down his box.

However, it was worth noting that on the 3 occasions that Kunt Team did attack, they ended up hitting the woodwork on all 3 times! 2 of them were off fortuitous crosses that ended up as shots @ goal from the Kunt Team’s pacey right winger. To his defense, the young @ heart Speedy did manage to contain him the rest of the time. The 3rd occasion where Kunt Team hit the woodwork was from a corner that evaded everyone in the box including a flying Shark. Fortunately for RMM, the ball always rebounded away safely on all these occasions.

RMM finally made the game safe when Superstar Batigol made full use of his considerable girth by shielding a throw in from the right before smartly turning his man and unleashing an unstoppable shot that shook the Kunt Team’s goal.

The RMM Superstar’s goal celebrations brought more cheers from the near capacity crowd of 50 then the goal itself.

With that goal, the game petered out as a contest as it took the wind right out of the sails of the Kunt players. In the past, this would have signaled the start of some rough treatment for RMM players but this time, the Kunt Team was strangely subdued.

So it was 3 points for RMM on what may be their last game in Stadium Raja Muda.

RMM 3 Hangover FC 5

Coming into this fixture brimming with confidence from a run of good results, RMM were brought down to earth with a thud.

The omens were not good from the moment the venue was announced. RMMs record at the Stadium Raja Muda has been dismal to say the least. This was most likely attributed to the fact that the large pitch was maybe just a tad too big for RMMs ageing legs to cover for 90 minutes.

That record didn’t look like it was going to improve when RMM was drawn to play Hangover FC, a team who has a knack of fielding African and National Futsal players.

To top it off, RMMs were also missing their resident speedsters, Flash That and Blindman Poon. Hardman Joe who has quite a few gears in him as well also missed the game.

RMM started the game with a similar line up to last week with Shark in goal and SiYeh and Aeroplane King Beng Koh covering the center of defence. Snake and Meng were in their familiar positions on the right and left respectively

In the middle of the park, Guvnor and Iceman controlled the traffic with Speedy and Foo providing the speed and guile on the flanks.

Upfront, Superstar Batigol was back leading the line with RMMs Party Organizer, DeafMan Wai who was making his comeback from a life threatening knee injury as support.

Things started off brightly for RMM when Foo and Superstar Batigol combined well to give give RMM a shock lead after a tentative start for both teams.

However, instead of building or consolidating the lead, RMM then capitulated in a 10 minute spell when Hangover FC scored 3 goals in their first 3 attacks.

All 3 goals were the direct results of RMM being caught time and again defending too high up and Shark conceded goals from first the right, then the middle before finally the left side of his post. The second was particularly painful to watch as Hangover FCs playmaker practically walked the ball into the net right from the heart of defense.

Like a punch drunk boxer, RMM was swaying and looked like conceding every time Hangover FC attacked for the next 20mins.

Having weathered that storm, RMM then showed character and managed to pull one back when Snake’s 40 yard screamer off a Hangover corner clearance that nearly tore a hole in the net. Replays later showed that the goal was actually a hopeful punt from distance that bounced over a surprised Hangover keeper.

It didn’t matter as RMM were once again back in the game. Building on that, RMM played with more confidence and minutes before halftime. RMM had a perfect opportunity to draw the game level when sub Mat Burit was put clean through by Superstar Batigol. Probably due to his weakened state from fasting, Mat Burit rolled his ball towards the corner flag instead.

RMM then ended the half in farcical manner when the 2 animals, Shark and Snake got into a shouting match regarding the legless reptile’s lack of positioning play.

The second half started in the same farcical manner when Shark refused to don his gloves for the second half. Guvnor was then forced to re-shuffle the team and the unconventional but entertaining Speedy was once again appointed as RMMs second half keeper with Shark filling in at left back.

Having learned their lessons from the 1st half, RMMs backline decided to defend deeper into their own half in order not to be caught out by Hangover’s pacey forwards. Whilst this meant that offside traps were obsolete, the tactic seemed to work as Speedy had a much quieter second half in goal.

This may also have been attributed to the fact that the clever oompa loompa tried another new goalkeeping trick to throw his opponents off their game. This time, the Master Of The Alternate Universe decided to wear his gloves inside out to confuse his opponents.

The clever ploy worked well until Snake decided to show everyone that he is a reptile with hands by punching a goal bound shot away when defending a corner. Would Speedy with his lighting quick reflexes have been able to save that shot? We’ll never know.

What we know was that Snake was then sent off for his troubles and Speedy’s lighting quick reflexes did not extend to penalty saves. 4 – 2 and a man down. The game looked all but over for RMM on this cursed ground.

With nothing to lose, Guvnor then threw caution to the wind and ordered Shark upfront, playing an adventurous 3-3-3 formation.

With both teams fast tiring on the large energy sapping pitch, the game opened up with both teams attacking end to end with little regard to defending.

Hangover FC then went further ahead during one of these quick exchanges putting RMM further behind.

Undeterred, RMM matched Hangover blow for blow and managed a consolation goal when Superstar Batigol managed a sublime chip over a stranded Hangover keeper in the dying minutes.

Final score 5 – 3 to Hangover FC and there was much for RMM to reflect on after the game.

Would RMMs speedsters have made any difference? Was BengKoh’s (un)reliability now in question? When did Mat Burit come on and when did he sneak off? Why didn’t Speedy’s goalkeeping ploys work? Does Snake really have hands? How fake was the Hangover FC striker’s British accent?

So many unanswered questions…..