Miss Of The Season Contender # 3 - Iceman v Melwood FC

Fast becoming the Tottenham Hotspur of penalties, RMM missed another penalty for the second game in a roll.

Stepping up to take over from Snake this week is RMMs own deadly dead ball specialist, Iceman.

Presented with the opportunity to increase RMMs slender lead against RMMs bogey team, Melwood FC, the normally ice cool Iceman found that the target actually looks smaller from 12 yards out than from his normal position outside the box. The fact that there was no wall in front of him added to the pressure. To top it off, he was also involved in a psychological warfare with the MFC keeper.

Needless to say, the Iceman cracked.

Instead of the normal pin point delivery that we all come to expect, Iceman dragged the ball wide of the keeper's right post earning him the 3rd nomination for Miss Of The Season for 2010.

RMM 2 Melwood FC 1

The first game in the year of the Tiger proved to be quite an adventure for RMM as the shadowy fixer of fixtures once again led the veterans on another wild goose chase around Wangsa Maju.

With the original tie fixed @ Vlad’s Castle in Section 2 Wangsa Maju, RMMs traveling band soon discovered that the pitch was once again double booked when the same Fat Beady Eyed Bastard turned up looking arrogant and smug, flashing what he claimed was the official receipt for the venue.

As with the previous experienced, RMM and their opponent, Melwood FC were instructed by Mysterious Maniam to move to the next alternative pitch, the Section 4 field.

Both teams were greeted on arrival at the pitch with the sight of large tents pitched on the pitch. Probably courtesy of some community CNY open house. Unfortunately, RMM and Melwood FC were there for a football game and not for festivities.

With both teams resigned to not having a match, Mysterious Maniam then pulled a final rabbit out of his hat by instructing both teams to Kelab Sultan Sulaiman in the heart of KL instead.

When the game finally started 2 hours later, RMMs 11 available players were re-shuffled slightly as Guvnor had pulled his back whilst competing in the Chen Family Wii Olympics.

With that and the knowledge that RMM keepers are there to just mostly make the numbers (and in Speedy’s case, add comedic value), Guvnor decided to start in goal instead of the usual stand in Shark.

The resources available to protect Guvnor were also limited as the RMMers who turned up were more attack orientated. Against a team that RMM had never beaten, the backline comprising of Siyeh and Nitro in the middle with Red Devil Meng and Shark on the left and right respectively hardly inspired confidence.

In the middle of the park, Iceman had to make do with the tired and one legged Partyman Eddie as his partner in crime, whilst RMMs true advantage lay in the flanks where Flash That and Blindman Poon’s blinding pace were expected to do the damage.

Up front, RMM retained it’s very large and a little round combo of Batigol and Mat Burit.

The game started off very evenly as both teams took some time to find their rhythm after 2 hours of driving around the Klang Valley.

Once both teams settled down, the Melwood FC (MFC) backline started to struggle with RMMs blinding pace down the flanks as RMM started to turn the screws. Iceman and Partyman were also enjoying some freedom in the middle, spraying passes around freely. At the back, the defense marshaled by Siyeh looked surprisingly solid with only a few breaches. On those odd occasions, the guilt party tended to be Nitro who seemed unable to grasp the fundamentals of the offside trap.

When one of Blindman’s sonic induced runs resulted in a RMM corner, the super fit veterans took full advantage of it. Iceman’s consistently pin-point corner found the leaping-like-a-salmon Flash That’s head. The result was a header that evaded a sea of bodies to give RMM a deserved 1-0 lead.

Unfortunately for RMM, the joy was short lived as MFCs response was almost immediate. Finally finding some space on the right, the MFC winger cut in to swing in a hopeful cross into the RMM box. With Siyeh and co static, the onrushing MFC striker easily nodded past a stranded Guvnor.

With the score at 1 a piece, the game started to open up a bit as MFC started to make in-roads into the RMM half. Fortunately for the RMM defense, MFCs preferred attacking option was to try and bulldoze or dribble through the center, making their attacks predictable. That however did not mean that RMM had it all their way.

On the other end, RMMs speedsters on the flanks were a constant threat, supplying the strikers with a mixture of good, bad and ugly crosses.

RMM then re-took the lead through another corner. This time, the ever dependable Iceman pin-point near post corner from the left found the lurking Partyman Eddie who proceeded to flick it on to the ever dangerous Batigol. RMMs resident superstar took 2 stabs at the ball before powering it home for a well deserved goal.

Iceman’s precision was called into question later when someone in the stands pointed out that the set piece specialist had actually groaned and muttered ‘SHIT’ aloud the moment the ball left his feet.

With a slim lead, RMMs battle hardened veterans played the half out manfully.

At the start of the second half, MFC introduced their 3 subs in the second half to great effect, adding more speed and zest into their game. With the MFC left winger’s pace was on par with RMMs Blindman Poon, Shark was in for a torrid time.

Shark’s task was not made easier by Iceman’s decision to move Flash That to the right flank. As in most of his games now, Flash That’s runs are very dependant on his mood and his tracking back is almost non existent. On top of that, Flash That also claimed to be suffering from a bout of flu as well, leaving RMMs giant right back with little or no protection.

Fortunately for the stand in right back, the MFC speedster had no left foot, meaning he had to cut in to his right on most runs, nullifying his own pace on the outside.

RMM had a chance to widen it’s lead when Iceman was presented with an opportunity from a freekick outside the MFC box. Curling his shot past the wall easily, the dead ball specialist saw his attempt bounce off the keeper’s left post.

Meanwhile, MFC were making in-roads on all parts of the field as well with their Tall Giant pulling the strings in the middle and were a constant threat to the RMM defense.

MFC nearly equalized when an innocuous punt down RMMs left flank was not dealt with by RMMs Siyeh. Instead of clearing the ball, the Slowest Man in RMM first decided to shepherd the ball out and when he found that the ball was going nowhere, he decided he was a Barca playmaker and tried to turn and swivel his way out of trouble instead.

Unfortunately for Siyeh, he found out the hard way that he is in fact, not a Barca playmaker as he turned himself into trouble and lost possession instead.

Taking full advantage of the situation, the MFC striker fed the ball to an on-rushing team mate who in turn unleashed a thunderbolt towards the RMM goal. Guvnor, RMMs handicapped stand in keeper was forced into a full length dive to palm the ball away. The injured keeper was then forced to spread himself for a second save as his static defense did not react to the rebound. The double save itself was not enough as MFC had a 3rd bite at goal with their winger rushing in and finally shooting past Guvnor on the 3rd attempt.

Unfortunately for MFC, the RMM defense had by then woken up and Shark was on the goal line to head the goal bound shot away, using his entire giant 164cm frame to great effect.

It was not all MFC though as RMMs speedsters were an ever present danger to the MFC backline.

On one of those occasions, Flash That, who had been on a walkabout for most of the half, suddenly woke up and went on a frenetic, mazy run up the right before being up-ended in the box by a desperate lunge form a MFC defender.

Needing a ‘guaranteed’ goal to cushion it’s slender 1 goal lead, RMM deployed their deadliest dead ball specialist for the penalty –Iceman.

Unfortunately for RMM, the ice cool Iceman chose that precise moment to suffer a meltdown. Trying to out psyche the burly MFC keeper, Iceman out psyched his own feet instead and dragged his shot wide on his left.

That miss gave MFC their second wind as they continued to push deeper into the RMM half. RMMs defense in the meantime was gambling on a dangerous offside game. It was hit and miss as MFCs skillful midfielders and forwards tried to play their way thru the middle.

On the other end, Mat Burit found that the MFC defense was not the same as the PJ Chung Hwa defense. Having very little chances, the rotund hit man blew whatever half chances that came his way.

With it’s defense defending with their balls to the walls, the final whistle could not come sooner for RMM.

In the end, it was a very satisfying result for RMMs first fixture in the year of the Tiger, beating it’s bogey team for the first time with a less than ideal starting 11 (or one could argue that maybe this is THE ideal starting 11).

Venue: Kelab Sultan Sulaiman

Starting Line Up: Guvnor, Red Devil Meng, SiYeh, Nitro, Shark, Blindman Poon, Partyman Eddie, Iceman, Flash That, Batigol, Mat Burit

Subs: None

Scorers: Flash That, Batigol

KONG HEY FATT CHOY TO EVERYONE!!!

Wishing all a roaring success in the year ahead!

Miss Of The Season Contender # 2 - Snake v PJ Chung Hwa

One of the foremost exponent of the Super Tonjol, Snake's powerful shot is well known amongst all RMMers. Regular followers of the veterans will tell you that the sight of Snake picking up loose shots from behind the goal is a common sight during all RMM warm ups.

This week, the powerfully built serpent brought that form into the game. Tasked with RMMs first penalty of the game, he duly ballooned the ball over for a rugby style conversion.

To be fair to the serial toe poker, the PJ Chung Hwa keeper did get a hand onto the powerful shot but it was already on the way up anyway.

RMM 9 PJ Chung Hwa 0

To usher in the Chinese New Year, RMM hastily arranged this tie with PJ Chung Hwa, old friends and rivals from way back when RMM were in it's infancy, for the sake of tradition.

Summoning their players out of semi retirement, the PJ Chung Hwa (PJCH) boys were hoping for a positive result to end the year of the Ox and to help usher in the Tiger.

Early signs were not at all positive for PJCH as the players that turned up were far from fit and in worn out footwear. Their lack of numbers also meant that PJCH had to loan 2 RMMers to make 11 as well.

To even the game up, Guvnor decided to play an adventurous 3-4-2 (+1 somewhere on the right) formation.

In order to make the game even more exciting, Guvnor decided that RMMs own suicidal defender, Speedy stayed at the back to assist the PJCH strike force. The task of covering up for him fell to SiYeh and Red Devil Meng. Utility man Shark once again started in goal.

In the middle, Gunvor and Iceman ran the engine room again whilst RMMs speedsters Blindman Poon and Flash That patrolled the flanks.

Upfront, was the little and very large combination of Mat Burit and Batigol.

To complete the 11, Walkabout Snake was given the freedom of the right flank to roam as he pleased.

Singapore Slinger Danny and Zig Zack were loaned out to PJFC to both even up the numbers and to ensure more playing time for both players.

To remind everyone of last weeks nightmarish start, Iceman decided to 'do a Speedy' right at kick off by laying a hospital ball to Siyeh (who incidently is not the slowest on the pitch this week!). Fortunately for RMM, Siyeh managed to scramble the ball away and in the resulting quick counter attack, the little and very large combination worked well to fashion an opening goal for RMMs superstar striker, Batigol. 1 - 0 in the first few minutes.

With an early goal in the pocket, RMM could afford to play patiently and passed the ball around before the opportunity for a second came when a PJCH defender crudely brought down a rampaging Flash That in the PJCH box.

The spotkick duty was given to Walkabout Snake to help him open his 2010 account. Unfortunately for the wandering serpent, his penalty had plenty of power but no absolutely precision. Such was the ferocity of his shot, that had this game been played in the Wangsa Maju pitch, the ball would not have landed on the MRR2, but the DUKE highway instead.

In the meantime, Singaporean Sling Danny found out what it was like to man mark the legally blind Blindman Poon. Operating on sonar alone, the blindman's pace was too hot for Singaporean Sling Danny to handle early on as the part time Singaporean ended up on his arse on the first occasion he had to defend.

RMM second goal duly came when Mat Burit bagged his first of the evening following some patient play from RMM.

The 3rd goal arrived not long after as a clever turn in the box by Guvnor was met by another agricultural challenge by another PJCH defender, resulting in a second penalty. This time, Shark was given the opportunity to open his 2010 accounts. Sprinting up from his own box, the stand in keeper duly obliged by stroking the ball down the middle past a surprised PJCH keeper who had expected another cannonball shot.

RMM then ended the half with a 4th. Breaking up a rare PJCH corner, Guvnor sprinted the length of the field whilst Flash That and Iceman exchanged quick passes before the ice cool Iceman floated in a beautiful cross for the energetic Guvnor to finish with a sliding left footed volley. The flowing move would have sent shivers down the spine of Arsene Wenger if he had watched the footage. RMM too had the key to breaking down Arsene's Arse team.

The halftime whistle coudn't have come sooner for the shell shocked and half fit PJCH boys.

The pressure of missing the spot kick got to Snake as he complained to having palpatations during the break. Fearing for his life, the serpent volunteered to keep goal for the second half. This led to Shark being reshuffled to partner Mat Burit upfront and Batigol moving back to central defense.

The move almost immediately paid off as Shark got his second of the day from RMMs 1st corner of the second half. A short pass from the Blindman almost put Iceman under immediate pressure. The midfield maestro managed to roll the ball into the path of the waiting Shark who then proceeded to ram home a rare goal from outside the box.

Shark then made it a hat-trick when a defensive mix up led by loanee Zig Zack resulted in the ball dropping at the once feared fox-in-the-box's feet. Rolling back the years, Shark obliged by smashing the ball home from 8 yards out to make it 6-0 for RMM.

The rampant Shark then bundled in for what would have been his fourth from 3 yards out after receiving a beautifully weighted low cross from Flash That on the left. Unfortunately for the on form hitman, the referee disallowed the goal, claiming a handball.

There was no let off for PJCH as RMM continued with it's free scoring antics. Off some more great work from Blindman Poon, Guvnor thumped in a unstopable header for his second of the day.

7-0 then became 8-0 when Flash That decided to get in the scoring act by blazing past 4 static PJCH defenders before powerfully finishing off the move himself in a stunning solo run.

On the other end, on a rare PJCH attack, Snake's palpations stopped long enough for the burly serpent to 'make himself big' and close off all angles to ensure that the PJCH stiker had no line of sight towards the RMM goal.

Mat Burit then missed a couple of chances to add to his tally through a combination of wayward finishing and selfish runs by strike partner Shark, who by then had dropped off to the right.

The chrome domed hitman finally got his second when another low drive by the rampaging Flash That found him right inside the PJCHs box. The rotund striker needed no second invitation and thumped the ball home.

PJCHs nearly broke the duck in one of their final attacks when a speculative shot from distance bounced right in front of stand in keeper Snake. The bounced caught the serpent by surprise but he was still alert enough to pull of an unconventional save, using his bulging waistline to alter the course of the goal bound shot.

There was an audible sigh of relief from PJCH when the final whistle was blown. a 9-0 thumping was not what they had envisioned and it would have been double figures if not for a few glaring misses from RMM.

Whilst RMMers would hope that the result will be a fair reflection of the year ahead, it also was a reflection of how far RMM has gone as a team. Almost 19 years of football has been clocked in by the veterans and yet, the team remains as competitive as ever. Sticking with the nostalagic feel of the day, ex RMMer,Gnasher Abdullah was also spotted in the crowd.

Venue: Stadium Raja Muda

Starting Line Up: Shark, Red Devil Meng, SiYeh, Snake, Speedy, Blindman Poon, Guvnor, Iceman, Flash That, Batigol, Mat Burit

Subs: None

Loanees: Singaporean Sling Danny, Zig Zack

Scorers: Batigol, Flash That, Mat Burit (x2), Guvnor (x2), Shark (x3)

January 2010 Scorers

The top goal scorer for January is of course the one and only superstar.... Batigol!!! Congratulations and keep up the form!

RMM 6 TDK FC 4

RMMs travelling adventures continues this week as yet another game was scheduled at the beautifully manicured but nightmarishly surrounded Wangsa Maju pitch. With most RMMers having gained some bearings of where the location was, getting there was not a problem (for most).

There was however still a twist for RMM and their opponents TDK FC at the venue. There were 4 teams showing up for 1 game. After much discussion and some frantic phone calls, the fixture was finally rescheduled further into the depths of Wangsa Maju.

The new venue featured a less than ideal pitch but shared similar traits to the original venue such as the walls surrounding Vlad’s Castle and also the car park behind a goal. It was good news for Mat Burit though as the MRR2 was miles away.

The starting line up threw a mild surprise with Flash That starting in goal. After a devastating display last week, many pundits expected the sometimes Speedster to wreck havoc again this week. A mix up in packing his kit however put paid to that.

He was well protected (he thought) by a back four comprising of Red Devil Meng on the right, Siyeh and Titan in the middle and the evergreen Speedy on the left.

The middle of the park was again powered by Guvnor and Iceman as Hardman Joe has yet to be released from Anger Management Rehab. Blindman Poon brought speed to the left as utility man Shark patrolled the right.

Upfront, the returning Batigol partnered Mat Burit.

When the game finally started, the delays and confusion seem to have affected the veterans of RMM whom fell behind from almost the first whistle.

From the kick off, Shark passed the ball back to Red Devil Meng who nonchalantly rolled the ball across RMM goal, catching the half asleep SiYeh by surprise. In his haste, the league’s slowest man managed to clear the ball to the left to the not so fast Speedy. The Master Of The Alternative Universe decided to roll the ball back across the goal again back to the half awake SiYeh. Unfortunately for Speedy, the sleepwalking SiYeh had already strolled forward, leaving a TDK FC striker all alone to receive the gift. Needing no second invitation, the lucky TDK FC striker scored with virtually TDK FCs first kick of the game.

Things got from bad to worse for RMM at the restart when the fumbling Speedy decided to treat fans and team mates to an instant replay of the first goal by replicating the whole incident to give TDK FC a second almost identical goal.

The game was barely 3 minutes old and the slow starting RMMers were already 2 goals down with 3/4s of it’s players yet to touch the ball.

RMMers then spent the next 20 minutes trying to warm up by verbally abusing the luckless Speedy who continued to grumble, fumble and stumble. In what may be an early sign of senility, the veteran of veterans admitted that he was too petrified of RMMs twin terrors in the middle to ‘play his own game’.

The veterans finally warmed up when Blindman Poon went on a typically rampaging run down the left flank before delivering a surprisingly dangerous low cross across the TDK FC goal. The cross caused all sorts of problem for the TDK FC defense as the ball pin balled around before ending up at the back of the net via a TDK FCs leg.

RMMs superstar striker Batigol then scored his first goal of the season to level the game up. 2-2 and game on.

RMMs most lethal weapon then put the veterans ahead minutes later by bagging his second as RMM mounted an unlikely fightback to take a 3-2 lead.

By this time, RMM were buzzing as the midfield duo started to exert the hold on the game whilst Blindman Poon was putting on yet another dazzling display on the left. Shark who was filling in on the right was also putting up a solid shift as well.

At the back, it was still shaky as Speedy continues to draw more verbal abuse, especially from Red Devil Meng. Luckily for the wily veterans, stand in keeper for the stand in keepers, Flash That was having the game of his life, cleaning up whenever his defense was breached, pulling off several world class saves in one on one situations.

RMM completed the first half comfortably as Superstar Batigol scored the first hat trick of the season for RMM stretching RMMs lead to 4-2.

The second half saw RMM continuing to pound TDK FC into submission as Blindman Poon’s shanked cross ended fortuitously at the back of TDK FCs net.

With the score at 5-2, the boys from RMM started to lose their concentration as TDK FCs second half sub, Ramly Burger Double started to boss the game, easily waddling pass several RMMers on several occasions .

It was no surprise then when TDK FC pulled back 2 goals in quick succession to make the score 5-4. With their tails up and Ramly Burger Double running the show, TDK FC went for broke, leaving their backline exposed to RMM quick counter attacks.On one such occasion, RMMs Mat Burit - who had been suffering a crisis of confidence, finished off the game when he coolly fumbled the ball past the unlucky TDK FC keeper who was beaten for the 6^th time.

The Herculean effort to overhaul the early setback meant that quite a few of the RMMers were running on empty towards the end of the match. As Shark was taken off with cramps, Flash That managed a few more world class saves to cement his place as THE stand in keeper for RMM.

Venue: Sec 4, Wangsa Maju

Starting Line Up: Flash That, Red Devil Meng, SiYeh, Titan, Speedy, Blindman Poon, Guvnor, Iceman, Shark, Batigol, Mat Burit

Subs: Partyman Eddie, Nitro, Zig Zack

Scorers: Batigol (x 3), Blindman Poon, Mat Burit

Miss Of The Season Contender # 1 - Shark v Friends FC

When the Friends FC keeper parried Flash That's attempt into the path of RMMs highest scorer of all time, the only thing that crossed the part time keeper's mind was how he was going to celebrate opening his account for 2010.

Six yards out, totally unmarked, the once feared hitman even took the safe option of sidefooting the ball instead of putting his Nike [RED] laces through it.

Unfortunately for Shark, he shanked his attempt well wide. So wide it ended up near the corner instead.