RMM 3 Chinese Chelsea 0

There used to be a time when fixtures against Chinese Chelsea were a guaranteed 3 points and a healthy goal difference was the norm for RMM. However, recent form and squad size has conspired to make the last 2 outings between the 2 a much closer encounter than RMM would have liked. 1 of these outing even resulted in Chinese Chelsea’s first ever win over RMM.

With this in mind, Guvnor made sure that all RMMers took this game seriously and kept their over confidence that always comes with this fixture in check. The squad size for this game was also comforting for the life time President as the team actually boasted of @ least 4 subs on the bench.
It also cushioned the absence of RMMs super star striker Batigol and the on form army of 1, Flash That.

RMM started with the familiar 4-4-2 formation with stand in keeper Shark standing in once again.

Snake took up his familiar right back position with Siyeh and Aeroplane King Beng Koh anchoring the middle of defence. Wooden Thong made a rare start on the left of defence.

The engine room was powered by Guvnor and Hardman Joe, a formidable and physically imposing pairing that can rumble with the best of them. The left and right midfield areas were occupied by the more lightweight but skillful (open to debate here) duo of Speedy and Foo respectively.

Upfront, Iceman was paired with the rotund Mat Burit who claimed to have lost weight over the last week or so.

With Guvnor and Hardman Joe in impervious form, RMM controlled the game from the opening whistle and looked comfortable throughout the first half.

Though comfortable, RMMs forward play always broke down in the final third and scoring opportunities were somewhat limited. When 1 of those opportunities came, Foo found himself in an almost identical position from where he missed last week. This time, he did not miss.

1 up and RMM were cruising. Keeper Shark had one of his quietest game in goal this season as RMM pressed Chinese Chelsea back time and again.

However, despite showing the urgency in their play, RMM were unable to find the 2nd goal to calm their nerves.

The second half brought some interesting changes, notably the pairing of RMMs once feared strikeforce, Mat Burit and Shark with Iceman moved back to his familiar middle mid position and Hardman Joe slotting in on right mid.

The switching of Hardman Joe to the right proved to be the turning point as the midfield minder (possibly the only player in RMM with a shorter fuse than superstar Batigol) started making surging runs down the flank. Blindman Poon was also introduced on the opposite flank and his speed led to some panicked defending from the Chinese Chelsea defenders.

RMM then made it 2 when the fans were treated to a glimpse of the past with Mat Burit sliding in a sly thru ball for the onrushing Shark to blast home at the near post. Not known for his shooting prowess, there was debate on whether Shark had actually meant to shoot or cross. What mattered most to the stand in keeper and part time striker was that he now has scored and kept a clean sheet 2 games in a row now.

RMMs 3rd duly arrived in few minutes later when Guvnor rose above the crowded Chinese Chelsea box and powered home a trademark header from Iceman’s corner.

With the game sewn up, RMM took the game down a notch or 2 to conserve energy in the searing heat. Beng Koh who had a near flawless game up till that point was then involved 2 of the most memorable moments in the game.

In the first incident, he went on a mazy run going past a few bemused Chinese Chelsea players before somehow ‘passing’ the ball off his own face.

In an almost dejavu moment, Beng Koh then tried to repeat his feat in RMMs first ever loss to Chinese Chelsea when he momentarily lost concentration whilst defending deep. He lost the ball to an onrushing Chinese Chelsea striker who had a free run at goal with only 2nd choice stand in keeper (and 1st choice stand up comedian) Speedy to beat.

In another astonishing psychological goalkeeping ploy, the master of the alternate universe hugged one of his goalposts to distract the oncoming striker. It worked. The dumbfounded striker shot wide.

With clever goalkeeping tricks like the reverse starfish and now the post hugging move, Speedy is fast becoming the 1st choice stand in keeper and is now ranked only 2nd to infamous Rene Higuita as one of the most entertaining goalkeepers in world football.

As the game drew to a close, RMM can now cast an eye of the other fixtures in the league and start working out the maths. 3 games, 2 wins and a draw. A decent start to the campaign indeed.

RMM 4 Sensonic 1

On paper, it looked like a mismatch from every concievable angle. The Sensonic players all looked like they were half the age of RMMers and their matchday squad numbers at almost 30 whilst RMM would settle for 11 these days.

The battle hardened veterans however were relishing the challenge. The monotony of playing the same teams week after week meant that this was unknown territory to RMM and it was just the perfect tonic for the somewhat jaded men.

With lifetime President and resident hardman Guvnor Chen off on a secret scouting mission this week, Iceman took over the reins of the team again and the captain’s 1st eleven this week was a surprise for hardcore RMM followers.

The returning Ah started in goal instead of his customary striker role. This was meant to probably preserve his fitness for the second half as he hasn’t played in weeks.

The backline was also reshuffled. Whilst Snake started on his regular right position, Thong was slotted into the leftback position. Hardman Joe was forced to partner Softman Siyeh in the middle of the backline.

The center of the pitch was decidely lightweight with Iceman partnering Foo. Both were better known for their ball skills rather than battling qualities. On the right, Iceman decided to go with superstar Batigol to utilize his well known speed and the quartet were completed by Red Devil Meng who played on the left midfield position.

Upfront, the long awaited reunion of Mat Burit and the now exiled in goal Shark finally happened.

Even though the Sensonic team was packed with players in their late teens and early twenties, RMM knew from experience that they had a few things to their advantage, namely experience and body strength.

Needless to say, the 1st eleven took sometime to click and the Sensonic boys took full advantage of that, winning a freekick as early as the 3rd minute in similar position to where RMM had conceded a goal from last week.

The Sensonic player then smashed his freekick past the wall and over Ah That’s head. The stand in keeper who was standing in for RMMs regular stand in keeper was caught out of position. This was a complete surprise to all as he had been saving similar shots with consumate ease during warm up.

1 nil to Sensonic and some of the RMM players had not even touched the ball.

If the Sensonic players thought that they were going to rack up a cricket score, they were mistaken. From that point on, their forays into RMMs penalty box became scarce and with Hardman Joe in his hardman mode, he was kicking soon lumps out of players, the pitch and occansionally....the ball.

RMM however were unable to turn their physical strength into any meaningful advantage. Whilst the backline was hard, they weren’t always in control. Snake was also exposed time and again by star man Batigol who was often seen further forward than his forwards.

The midfield of Iceman and Foo were also overwhelmed by sheer numbers in the middle as well. Things weren’t going too well on the left either as Sensonic's tubbiest player playing at rightback back had glided past RMMers imperviously like Franz Beckenbaur on a few occasions.

Upfront, Shark and Mat Burit only showed very slight glimpses of their now forgotten deadly partnership.

It was not to say that RMM played badly. There were many occasions where they could have easily scored an equaliser. Foo who had been put thru by and brilliant backheel by Shark missed a glorious opportunity to score when he was adjudged to have been marginally offside. He had somehow skewed his attempt so far away from the target that he was actually thankful to be called offside.

Minutes later, Shark showed his upper body strength to hold off the attention of a Sensonic defender before unleashing a what can best be described a horribly weak toe poke that rolled towards the keeper. Mat Burit also had his chance when he was played thru by a beautiful hollywood pass by Shark, unfortunately, the now rotund striker had lost his pace of yesteryear.

By now, Iceman had also gotten into the act and had a half volley slightly off target as well.

Halftime came and RMM were visibly frustrated by the scoreline in a game. Iceman rang the changes during halftime and this time and the team had a semblace of the regular RMM lineup.

Ah That then started the second half like a 1 man army. Desparate to make up for his first half mistake, he ran and smashed his way past the Sensonic defence on many occasions. When he wasn’t having the ball, he was busy harrasing the Sensonic defense as well. Speedy also added some guile on the left side of the pitch.

Unfortunately for RMM, the legally blind Phoon had problems locating the ball that is right at his feet on many occasions.

Ah That’s persistance finally paid off when he managed to steer home Foo’s cross from the right. 1 all and all to play for. RMMs experience told them that the next goal will be crucial and the veteran team started turning the screws on the young upstarts.

In a rare foray into the RMM box, Sensonic almost earned a penalty when their striker was crudely brought down by a rusty Zack in what looked like a position inside the box. Fortunately, the confusing lines on the pitch did it’s job and the referee only awared a freekick that was easily cleared by Hardman Joe who was protecting the near post.

RMM then managed 2 miss of the season contenders in quick sucession. First, Foo smacked the ball into row Z from 2 yards after a great turn and shot from Batigol that was brilliantly parried by the Sensonic keeper into his path. Fortunately for the Futsal King, the linesman took pity on him and flagged him offside to save him from further embrassement.

Next, it was Blindman Phoon who missed. If Foo had missed from 2 yards out on the right handside on Sensonics goal, Blindman’s was from an almost identical position of the left. Played thru brililiantly by Mat Burit’s dummy after some great work from Foo on the right, the Blindman skewed his attempt into the corner flag instead.

By this time, RMM was in full control of the game and RMMs 2nd finally arrived from the simplest of moves. Snake’s experimental toe poke goal kick had great yardage and found Ah That inside the opponent’s half. The on fire striker managed to flick his header beyond a very flat Sensonic back four and the ever alert Mat Burit latched on to it like a flash before lobbing the ball over the onrushing Sensonic keeper.

RMM 3rd wasn’t long in coming as the Sensonic visibly wilted under the relentless pressure. Ah That got his brace from a latching on to anothet thru pass from the middle.

By now, RMM was on crusing control and playing exhibition football. The players were stroking the ball around with uptmost confidence and controlling the pace of the game.

RMM then earned a penalty when Ah That’s sudden burst of speed caught the entire Sensonic defence flatfooted with the exception of their Bosnian midfielder. Unfortunately for him, his challenge on Ah That was agricultural to say the least and the sickening thud of his boots smashing into Ah That’s shin can be heard from the nearby KLCC. The Bosnian was issued a straight red by the match official. The incense Sensonic man then refused to leave the pitch and carried on arguing with the officials.

Shark then took advantage of the situation and sprinted a full 80 yards to claim the spot kick. Given that the only action he saw in the second half was flapping a corner kick and mis-cuing a back pass, the team relented and let the stand in keeper have his glory. The giant keeper duly obliged and powered in his spot kick. Not the best placed but powerful enough to beat the keeper.

3 goals up, RMM cruised the rest of the game with little resistance from the shell shocked Sensonic youths. They were taught a football lesson and they knew it.

When the final whislte came, the biggest debate in the RMM camp was on the color of contact lenses Blindman Poon should be getting as the blindman’s insistence on playing without his glasses in fast becoming a handicap (pun intended) for the team…..

RMM 1 James' Team 1

It was the first game of the new Maniam’s League season and Maniam himself couldn't have picked a more explosive opening fixture. RMM v James’ Team (JT). Two arch enemies who have fought numerous battles over the last decade. Matches between the 2 are considered local derbies and no matter what their form was then, a defeat to the other was the most bitter pill to swallow. These fixtures regularly feature yellow cards and flying tackles. One fixture even featured a throw in complete with flying elbows from Shark. We are talking about full blooded derbies here.

This game was no different. From the get go, both teams were out to dish it and Iceman was given some rough treatment in the middle from JTs Balding Bastard. When football was being played, RMM managed to play some decent football with Hardman Joe getting some freedom on the right. The Guvnor was also his usual self throwing himself into some hard challenges to good effect.

The defence marshaled by OK Danny and Siyeh was also solid with both Red Devil Meng and Snake providing good cover on the left and right respectively. That in effect also gave Shark (who is emerging as the first choice keeper) very little to do.

The sore point for RMM was Blindman Poon who was (excuse the pun) running up and down blind alleys. The man is blessed with exceptional speed which makes him a potent attack force for RMM but is also cursed by an eyesight that would put a bat to shame. Unfortunately for Blindman, he possesses no radar nor are walking sticks allowed on the pitch.

RMM was rewarded for their superior play midway thru the first half. Hardman Joe who was tearing down the right wing past JT’s fat rightback, Fatman, managed to flight the perfect cross to RMMs star player Batigol. The heavyset but mobile target man had no problems powering a header home to give RMM the lead.

RMM continued to control the play with Mat Burit and Batigol leading the line. Batigol came close again minutes later when played clean through but somehow couldn't beat the keeper one on one.

JTs first real attempt at goal came almost at the end of the first half when their right winger played a low cross across the RMM goal that evaded the entire RMM defence. The ever alert Shark managed to rush out at the far post to thwart the JT’s striker’s first attempt. The giant keeper then recovered to stop the second attempt before a crunching tackle from the normally docile Siyeh ended the attack.

When halftime came, RMM were winning both the physical battle and the game. The general feeling during halftime was that RMM deserved a bigger lead then 1-0.

The second half couldn’t have started any worse for RMM. After giving away a needless foul on the left side of the box, the RMM defense then failed to react to a hopeful drive from the resulting freekick into the box. With the defense rooted to the ground and 2 onrushing strikers in his line of sight, keeper Shark’s immediate reaction was to have no reaction. Thinking that the 2 strikers were offside, the keeper let the ball bounce easily into the inside of the post to give away an easy equaliser.

With RMM rocked, JT started throwing their all at the RMM defense. Under such intense pressure, the RMM defence started giving away more freekicks around the box. The resulting freekicks were a nightmare for the nervous RMM defense to deal with as most opted to watch and pray as the crosses came flying into the danger areas.

Shark then made the decision to take the control of the situation and started coming for the crosses himself. This somewhat calmed the defense down and RMM managed to weather the storm.

RMM then started to claw back into the game again with the Guvnor leading the line in the middle of the park. Mat Burit had a glorious chance to give RMM the lead again after taking on 2 defenders but unfortunately, he took a step too many and had his shot charged down.

Star striker Batigol also had an opportunity to double his personal tally when he beat the JT keeper to a dangerous in-swinging RMM cross. Unfortunately for the star man, he had closed his eyes whilst going for the header and it caused the ball to bounce off the top of his head and over the bar while he was right under it.

Iceman was then taken down again by JTs Balding Bastard from behind. Eating dust all the way, Iceman was later taken off with a suspected dislocated shoulder.

Shark was then involved in the most comical moment of the game. Coming out early to cut off a dangerous JT cross, the keeper only managed a weak punch before colliding into OK Danny. As he tried to quickly find his bearings, the ball bounced all over the 6 yard box before the JT striker literally handed the ball back to a cool Shark who was way off position.

The game became fractious again from this point on and with both teams more interested in killing lumps out of each other, neither team looked like scoring again.

And that was how the first game of the season for RMM ended, with a 1-1 draw.

MISS OF THE SEASON – Nominee # 3 (Thong v Yellow Canaries)

The defender unwittingly turned attacker somehow found himself inside the opposition box. Served a delicious pass by superstar from the right, Thong managed to send the ball wide from 5 yards with the goal @ his mercy.....

RMM 0 Yellow Canaries 2

Squad: Guvnor, Snake, Zak, Joe, Thong, Iceman, Rudi, Foo, Gary, Speedie, Meng

RMM's first "away" sunday game in months as we travel to Uniten in Bangi. Kickoff was at 4.00pm but there only 6 players seen warming up and 3 still gearing up. Kickoff was stalled as long as possible and RMM started the game with only 9 players with a 4-3-1 formation. Despite the disadvantage, RMM created a couple of good chances early on. The best one fell to defender turned attacker Thong who somehow sensed an opportunity and burst into the opposition box. The superstar Batigol who broke through on the right with some nifty footwork spotted Thong's run and rolled a delicious ball into his path. With the whole goal to aim for from 5 yards, he did the unthinkable and sent the ball well wide.

Within minutes RMM fell behind. Some horrendous defending by the makeshift defence left goalkeeper Guvnor with no chance when at the mercy of 2 strikers in the 6 yard box. Latecomers Speedie and Meng arrived just in time for the restart. Speedie's presence on the left flank started to trouble the opponents and was guilty of being greedy when he chose to shoot at the keeper from a tight angle instead of passing to better placed team mates who were unmarked.

The shaky backline was easily exposed everytime the opponents attacked. But thanks to some brilliant goalkeeping from Guvnor RMM managed to keep the score at 0-1 till halftime, which came rather quickly.

Guvnor recognised changes needed to be made in defence and partnered Thong and Snake in the center for the first time with Zak and Meng on the right and left respectively. The changes seemed to work as RMM looked a different side after the break and looked far more dangerous in attack. Foo should have equalised on two ocassions but was denied by some good goalkeeping. The first was when Iceman delivered an inch perfect ball from the left flank. However, his effort was tipped round the post by the keeper. The second was when he picked up a loose ball and went one on one with the keeper who again got a hand to his shot and agonisingly watched the ball hit the wrong side of the post. It wasn't going to be our day...

During all this, Joe decided to have some action too. While running with the ball, an oppnonent no bigger than a dwarf, scratched at his ankles. Joe reacted by jumping 3 feet in the air and coming down with his fist at the naughty dwarf. To the relief of everyone and especially the dwarf, he pulled out in the last second.

Play became scrappy after that as tackles started to fly until the ref threatened to end the game if it continues. The game ended without any further goals despite RMM’s best efforts. As we walked off the field, we found out that there was third “half”.

A fast tiring Iceman decided to take over in goal to unleash Guvnor into battle for the final half. However, the defence was caught napping early on and left the striker a clear run at goal from the left. With everyone expecting him to cross from a tight angle, the striker instead took a shot which rebounded of Iceman into goal. 0-2.

The rest of the game saw RMM attacking relentlessly but unable to make any of the chances count. In the end it was another game to forget.


Match report courtesy of ICEMAN