RMM 1 Ballpark FC 0

Seeking to maintain it’s winning run in the Maniam League, RMM travelled to Maktab Perguruan Teknik for this week’s fixture. Playing yet another team for the first time, RMMs players were in confident mood.

The unfamiliar ground proved to be quite confusing for some of RMMs directionally challenged players as some of them ended up at the Maktab Ilmu Khas instead. Thankfully for these RMMers, both the venues were near each other.

Once at the ground, RMMs own ground inspectors gave the thumbs down to the pitch. Closer inspection revealed that it was a hard bumpy pitch with a mixture of sand patches and long dry grass spread unequally across. Given that RMM was a team known for slick passing movements, this was definitely not a good omen.

A look across also showed that RMMs opponents for this week definitely had the edge in the age department as most look almost a decade younger than RMM’s middle aged battlers.

Unperturbed, RMM again started with Shark in goal. A week after unveiling his blockbuster boot deal with Nike, Shark showed off his business savvy by revealing that it was not an exclusive deal as he unveiled a separate deal with Adidas for his Gloves.

Forming a formidable wall of four in front of him was Red Devil Meng, Danny, Siyeh and the marauding Snake. Not the paciest backline in the league but definitely one of the oldest.

The engine room was powered by the now familiar quartet of Speedy, Iceman, Guvnor and Hardman Joe. Speedy’s deal with the Togolese FA was rumored to have fallen through as the former speedster and current Master of the Alternate Universe did not sport his colorful Togolese bandana after unveiling it last week..

Upfront, Superstar Batigol and Mat Burit have yet to click but were given another opportunity by Guvnor to start and prove critics wrong.

Given the state of the playing surface and the searing 4pm heat, it was understandable that both teams started the game tentatively. But as with all recent RMM games, the wily veterans started to exert control in the game and tested the Ballpark FC defense early on with both strikers coming close on several occasions.

Superstar Batigol came close early on but unusually for him, he was not his usual devastatingly deadly self. A long throw from Snake bounced around the box and fell kindly to the Superstar who somehow rolled the ball wide with the goal at his mercy (a miss of the season contender for sure). That set the tone for RMM as chances after chances came and went.

Hardman Joe provided some teasing crosses from the right flank despite having difficulty controlling the ball on the bumpy pitch. One of those crosses fell perfectly to Batigol with only the keeper to beat. The normally clinical Superstar again failed to finish. His famed Powershot deserted him as he weakly tapped the ball into the arms of the Ballpark FC keeper (another miss of the season). It looked more like a PowerShortage.

RMM controlled the game and came close on many occasions with Speedy, Hardman Joe, Mat Burit, and Guvnor all spurning some opportunities to put the team ahead.

At the back, although things were fairly comfortable for Shark and his defensive wall, Ballpark FC did come close to scoring on 3 separate occasions.

The closest Ballpark FC came to scoring however, was through devious means.

As play was stopped to attend to an injured Ballpark FC player, international rules of fairplay dictates that Ballpark FC return the uncontested drop ball to RMM in a safe neutral area of the pitch. That however, was not the case here as their midfielder cheekily tried to lob Shark right from the drop ball. Being a devious and untrusting character himself, the giant keeper was alert to it and managed to field the attempt easily and threw in a 1 handed save just to show off as well.

On another occasion, a Ballpark FC striker found himself free in the box for a second before he was surrounded by a whole posse of RMMs defenders and an onrushing Shark. Needless to say, the striker panicked and sent the ball to row Z.

Shark later gave the team a scare when, unable to visually identify the lines demarcating his penalty box, he backpedalled furiously right back into his six yard line before comfortably catching a long punt from Ballpark FC.

Bored by the relative inactivity, Danny decided to amuse himself by throwing himself and his elbows into the path of a Ballpark FC player, earning himself a yellow card. Still wanting to hog the spotlight, Shark decided to join in with a verbal tirade of his own. Not amused, the match official gave Shark a yellow card for his troubles as well.

Seconds later, Danny was involved in another incident and was nearly flashed a second yellow but fortunately for the hothead, the previously anal referee only gave him a final warning. Guvnor took quick action after consulting with Iceman and duly replaced the fiery Danny with Nitro Thong (who may not have realized that he was brought on as he took a whole 2 minutes before taking his place).

RMM ended the first half frustrated by the plethora of missed chances and the 0-0 scoreline. Cue Guvnor whipping out the hairdryer during the halftime team talk.

As with all tight games, Guvnor then elected to have Shark stay in goal to ensure stability at the back. Pressured by his boot sponsors, Shark flatly refused this directive as it would mean that he would have stayed in goal for 2 full games in a row.

Forced into reshuffling again, Guvnor chose to play unusually unfit Speedy in goal. The entertaining keeper was protected by a defense manned by Shark, last week’s villain – Nitro, Siyeh and Zack. If it was even possible, this back four was even slower than the one in the first half.

The blindingly fast Blindman Poon and tricky Futsal Foo were also drafted in the flanks to give RMM more penetration going forward.

The changes did not have the desired effect as RMM continued to miss chance after chance in front of goal.

This week villain was Blindman Poon. The Blindman had always been Guvnor’s secret weapon. His wiry frame and thick glasses works well to camouflage his devastating speed. Unleashed to tired unsuspecting defenses, the Blindman would inflict maximum carnage to all before him.

This week however, the Blindman was found out. Employing a master radioman on the bench, Ballpark FC managed to jam the Blindman’s usually sharp radar system rendering him… blind. Unable to see and only picking up Guvnor’s screams, the Blindman’s game fell to pieces. His passes went astray, he ran down blind alleys and he didn’t track back to cover his man either.

Futsal Foo had much better luck over on the other flank as he managed to use his pace to good effect and broke clear on a few occasions and should have put RMM ahead when he was one on one with the keeper but his weak attempt was easily saved. However, his luck soon ran out as he collided with an onrushing defender and had to be taken off with suspected bruised ribs.

Playing at leftback for the first time in months, Shark was faring just slightly better. Outpaced by the Ballpark FC right winger most of the time, Shark decided to stop the speedy winger the only way he knew – full frontal assault. Going for a 50-50 ball, the frustrated leftback left his boot in the midriff of the advancing winger. Fully expecting to see his second yellow, Shark was pleasantly surprised to get away with not even a talking too.

Emboldened by the let off, the leftback decided to push the envelope further by blatantly tripping the same player in full flow.

That final trip seemed to have worked as the winger then disappeared from the game after that.

Freed from his defensive duties, Shark even made his way into the Ballpark FC box to join the list of RMM players missing gilt edged chances.

RMM finally broke the deadlock when a quick freekick by Iceman found Hardman Joe unmarked on the right who easily picked out Mat Burit in the middle. The bald hitman’s mazy run took him past a packed defense before he finished off the move with a cool finish.

The record crowd that turned up for this game went ballistic and the roars could be heard for miles.

RMM continued to boss the game after this but the frustrating pattern of not converting chances continued. The visibly frustrated RMMers were nearly made to pay for their wastefulness when Ballpark FC mounted a not so quick counter attack that caught the not so fast RMM defence napping.

Fortunately for RMM, the ever alert and agile Speedy made a stupendous fingertip save from Ballpark FC striker’s thunderbolt of a shoot. The shot came off Speedy’s butterfingers onto the bar before it was cleared by the retreating RMM defence. The shot was so powerful even after numerous replays in slow motion, it was remained inconclusive that the Speedy actually got any touch to it.

Having seen Speedy’s smug look after the game and knowing his capabilities, RMMers were absolutely sure that the Master Of Alternate Universe had actually made the save. If not this universe, then his alternate one.

After incurring more abuse, Blindman Poon was finally put out of his misery and replaced by Foo, who made a miraculous Drogba like recovery whilst sitting on the sidelines. That did not improve RMMs scoreline and the game finally drew to close with RMMs high scoring run coming to an end.

Teacups were still flying after the game as Guvnor was still not satisfied with the tepid display. It was however, another win and when Maniam finally decides to release his secretive League table, RMM will almost be guaranteed a top 3 position…

Some Ballpark players were seen having long discussions with the match officials long after the game was over and it was believed that they were unhappy with the rough treatment they received from the “uncles” of RMM.

Not followers of this blog, the Ballpark FC players would not have seen what actual damage the ‘Uncles’ can do….