RMM 3 Blues Brothers 3

With the Maniam League in it’s Monsoon break, RMM had hoped to arrest the momentum of it’s slide down the league with this friendly game.

Ironically, the weather held up this weekend. Low clouds and low tempretaure but no rain made the conditions perfect for a game.

The early signs however were not good as the RMM squad struggled to make up a team of 11. With only 9 players confirmed fit for the game, it looked like it was going to be another energy sapping battle for the veterans.

Things were further complicated when the pre arranged playing venue of Kampung Pandan Sports Complex was double booked with 4 teams waiting to play on 1 pitch. After much discussion and a few frantic phone calls, the match was re-scheduled to the nearby PULAPOL.

At the venue, things started to look a bit promising for RMM as exactly 11 players turned up for the game. The pitch @ PULAPOL was also deemed condusive for RMMs slick passing game.

It wasn’t 100% rosy for RMM though as the absence of several players from key positions forced another creative re-shuffle from Guvnor.

As such, the team sported a highly experimental look to it with Guvnor starting at the heart of defense for the first time in years partnering Nitro. The not fully fit Zig Zack was forced to play on the left side of defense to accommodate the one legged Snake on the right.

The quartet protected the anatomically compact, first choice keeper (by default), Shark.

The engine room was powered by Iceman and the Challenge challenged Partyman Eddie with the Master Of The Alternate Universe, Speedy running down the left flank and the mercurial Red Devil Meng on the right.

Upfront, it was the tall and short combination of Flash That providing the height and speed and Mat Burit with his guile and measured approached.

RMM started the game well and were bossing the game from the get go and the 2 travelling fans for RMM did not have to wait long for RMMs first goal. Off a storming run on the right, Red Devil Meng unleashed a swerving cross into the heart of Blues Brothers (BB) defense that forced a retreating and panicking BB defender to somehow smash the ball into the roof of his own net .

Barely 10mins into the game and RMMs highly experimental 11 were 1 goal to the good.

Things got better for the battle hardened veterans when Flash That further extended RMMs lead when he coolly finished off a pin point through pass from Nitro to make it 2 nil.

At that point, it looked like a stroll in the park for the wily veterans. The defense marshaled by Guvnor were on top of their game, playing the line far up the pitch and executing the offside traps to perfection. In the middle, the non tackling Partyman and the creative Iceman were pulling the strings with consummate ease and upfront, Flash That was causing all sorts of problems for the BB defense.

There were warning signs for RMM though. On one occasion, the BB strikers played a through ball right down the middle spring the offside trap and catching the RMM defense off guard. The ever alert Shark had to be quick off his line to put off the onrushing BB striker who still managed to release his shot. Much to the relief of RMM, the ball struck the upright. The equally alert Zig Zack then proceeded to clear the rebound.

Blues Brothers were then presented an even better opportunity to pull a goal back when the referee controversially awarded them a penalty following an incident where the BB strikers struck the ball onto Zig Zack’s arms. Standing merely a yard or 2 away from the BB striker, there was no way Zig Zack was going to avoid the ball. On top of that, his arms were not even extended.

Given that Shark had a good warm up session involving penalties and side bets, RMMers had every reason to be confident in the ensuing spot kick. That confidence was vindicated when intimidated by Shark’s extensive frame, the BB striker smacked the ball against the same upright.

2 let offs in a short span of time for RMM and that was a sign of things to come.

The half ended with RMM taking a 3 goal lead when Nitro provided yet another assist. This time, his massive clearance from the back caused havoc on the BB backline. The lurking Mat Burit, who had been asleep up until that point outpaced the BB backline to easily slot home.

That said, RMM could have finished the half with a 6 goal lead as Mat Burit, Flash That and Iceman all took turns to miss gilt edged chances.

With a comfortable lead and seemingly cruising, Guvnor decided to tinker the team bit for the second half. In unleashing Shark upfront to revive his partnership with Mat Burit, Guvnor was forced to play Speedy who was still recovering from the gaffes from previous weeks and probably in need of some rest after the arrival of his second deviant child in goal. The non tackling Partyman Eddie also swapped positions with Guvnor in a bid to add more steel to the middle of the park.

This proved to be RMMs undoing as BB struck within minutes of the restart. A hopeful shot from outside the box proved too much for Speedy. The factually challenged 2nd choice keeper argued that he was unsighted by the crowded box but there can be no argument that he was woefully out of position when the shot was struck.

With BBs No. 10 pulling the strings, RMMs lack of fitness and thin squad was exposed and things then got bad to worse for RMM as BB struck yet again minutes later.

This time, the goal was struck from close range as the BB strikeforce cut through RMMs defense like a knife through hot butter. Clearly, a non tackling defender and positionally challenged keeper was a recipe for unmigatated disaster.

With this in mind, Guvnor reverted back to defense and Partyman Eddie was moved back into the middle of the park. By this time though, the momentum had shifted to BBs favour and the boys of RMM had to dig deep again.

Slowly but surely, RMM regained some control of the game as the match swung end to end like a Premiership match.

Shark came close when he was played through by a clever through ball from Mat Burit. Springing the offside trap and with only the keeper to beat, he went for placement rather than power. Unfortunately for the part time hitman, the BB keeper’s outstretched leg got in his way.

That miss proved disastrous for RMM as BB finally managed to find their equalizer. Again, it was their No. 10 that did the damage as he easily cut through the tired RMM defence before finishing off the move.

With the score at 3 a piece, neither team looked like they were going for a draw as the action went back and forth. Unfortunately for the fans that turned out for this game, there were no more goals in the game.

When the final whistle blew, the deflated RMM boys were left to rue their luck after squandering a 3 goal lead. Whilst this draw had arrested RMMs alarming slide over the past month or so, it was no consolation for the RMM players who now must know what it feels like to be a Liverpool player.

RMM2 Sensonic 3

With the Monsoon season in full flow, RMMs slippery slide down Maniam’s mysterious league table continues unabated.

Fresh from a farcical defeat to Mat Blues, RMMs woes continued this week against a youthful Sensonic team that was not tipped to trouble the experienced campaigners.

With only 10 players turning up for the game, RMMs chances of stopping the rot had been severely dented from the start. A look across to the opponents revealed that Sensonic came with a squad of 32 players and a coach.

Guvnor was also forced to creatively reshuffle the starting line-up for this game. The biggest gamble was to field Superstar Batigol at the center of defense with Siyeh. They were in turn supported by Snake and Meng on the flanks. This was by far the least paciest back 4 the league has ever seen. Having said that, the water logged pitch somewhat negated the pace factor and Batigol’s famed Powershots (when it worked) provided much relieve to the overworked backline.

In the middle of the park, the engine room was powered by the usual duo of Iceman and Guvnor with Flash That and Blindman Poon running the flanks.

Upfront, Mat Burit was left to hold the line alone.

RMMs pacey wing play was a constant threat throughout the game with Flash That and Blindman skinning their markers with ease.

The backline however, struggled especially in set pieces as Sensonic got their opener from their first corner of the game. Off a floated corner, Iceman’s lack of height or spring was exposed along with Siyeh’s lack of positional sense giving the Sensonic midfielder a clear header from 6 yards. The downward header was not the strongest by all accounts but somehow skimmed off the wet turf in between Shark’s stranded legs.

1 goal down so early in the match with 10 men, RMMs wet afternoon just got harder.

RMM did however start to assert some authority into the game shortly afterwards with Flash That looking menacing with his quick as flash runs on the slippery grounds.

Then, against the run of play, Sensonic managed a second through a quick counter from defending a corner. With the RMM defense stretched all over the place, Sensonics managed to beat Shark easily for the second time in the afternoon.

2 nil down and RMMer must have feared the worst.

Long time RMM followers would testify that RMMs fighting spirit has never been in doubt and this was proven near the end of the first half. A long hopefully punt to the right was quickly picked up by Flash That who proceed to skin his marker and beat the on-rushing Sensonic keeper in 1 flowing move.

RMM finished the half 1 goal down and very much in the game.

All that however ended in the early minutes of the 2nd half. RMM started the half with 9th choice keeper Snake between the posts. Having not played for almost a month, the limbless reptile felt a pull on his hamstrings (no one really knows where a snake’s hamstrings are located actually).

Snake’s first major action for the game was face a penalty as Superstar Batigol decided that he wanted to be known as WWE Superstar Batigol instead. With that in mind, he proceeded to execute a standing clothesline on a static Sensonic player whilst defending a corner.

Needless to say, Snake’s next course of action was to pick the ball out from the back of the net. 3-1 down and RMMs fightback looked like it was flooded out again.

RMMs fighting quality showed again as the wily veterans proceeded to boss the game again. With Sensonic pinned back, it was a matter of time before RMM pulled another goal back and that duly arrived when under pressure, a Sensonic defender sliced a clearance back into his own box.

A lurking Mat Burit showed off his predatory skills by finishing off with a smart first time volley that gave the Sensonic keeper with no chance.

3-2 and game on again for RMM.

The pressure exerted by RMM for the remainder of the game was relentless as the rain soaked veterans stepped up a gear.

WWE Superstar Batigol came closest when a pinpoint freekick from Iceman found him unmarked on the 6 yard line. Unlike the Sensonic scorer in a similar position earlier, the WWE Spuperstar closed his eyes at the last moment of contact with the ball resulting in an astonishing miss. One wonders if he had been as inaccurate with his clothsline earlier, would it have resulted in a penalty?

Blindman Poon then had the opportunity to score the goal of the season when he jet skied past 5 flailing defenders before producing the most anti climatic toe poke one has ever seen.

Not to be left out, Mat Burit tried something similar by beating 2 defenders before having the ball snatched at his feet by the onrushing Sensonic keeper.

The final whilste was greeted with great relief by all 32 players and coach from Sensonic as RMM were left to rue the missed chances.

The most pertinent question however was borne when the last RMMers to leave found a pair of used but clean RMM shorts left behind by one of the 10…. How did this mystery player keep himself clean throughout the game in these padi field conditions!?

RMM 3 Mat Blues 5

RMMs prayers for a dry pitch during the Monsoon season was answered this week but unfortunately for the wily veterans, the Cochrane pitch wasn't any better dry either. With most of the pitch overgrown and the lines missing, RMMs slick passing game would be adversely affected as well.

However, it turned out that it wasn't the pitch that was RMMs biggest threat. That threat came internally from RMM's own keepers who chose this game to press the self destruct button... repeatedly.

That self destruction button was pressed as early as the 3rd minute when 1st choice keeper Shark miscued a back pass from Danny into the path of a loitering Mat Blues striker. The striker then easily rounded the beached Shark before scoring.

That set the tone for the match and as much as Guvnor tried to galvanize the troops, it was an uphill battle from that point.

It also didn't help that RMMs backline had a distinctively makeshift look with Speedy, Danny, Hardman Joe and Red Devil Meng strung across the back.

RMM were soon 2 - 0 down as the Mat Blues wingers repeatedly stretched the RMM backs over and over again.

At this stage, it looked like it was all over for RMM as the team offered no resistance at the back and no thrust upfront with Blindman Poon running up and down blind alleys again.

Then against the run of play, sub right back Zack provided a telling cross / shot that floated into the direction of the Mat Blues goal. From out of nowhere, Futsal Foo charged in and appeared to have caught the ball on the line before grounding it for a try behind the goal line and under the post. Futsal Foo it appears, has aspirations to be Rugby Foo as well.

RMM went into the break with only a goal down and were looking forward to a better second half.

The customary switch in goal was then made with 2nd choice keeper Speedy going in at goal and Shark switching to left back. So concerned was Speedy with Shark's lack of match fitness and his running technique in such difficult conditions that he was seen giving some last minute technical and agricultural advise to his team mate on how to handle such surfaces.

As it turned out, the advise clearly didn't work as Shark was skinned over and over again by the rampaging Mat Blues right winger.

During one of those skinning sessions, the Mat Blues winger easily beat Shark out wide before firing a shot towards the near post. It was then left to Speedy to press the self destruct button next as the self styled Master Of The Alternative Universe was nowhere to be seen as he had taken up position in the middle of the goal instead. 3-1 and the worst was yet to come.

That came minutes later when this time, the Mat Blues came attacking came down RMMs right which resulted in the other Mat Blues winger firing a speculative shot that rolled weakly towards the RMM goal. As the RMM players turned to face the opponents and waited for the goal kick, Speedy raised his hand and watched the ball trickle in via his near post. The self destruct button was pressed for the 3rd time.

That was Speedy's last act of the game as Guvnor decided to spare the shell shocked 2nd choice keeper who seemed to have retreated deep into his alternate universe. Having given technical and agricultural advise on how to run on the turf, it may be a good idea for Speedy to also study how the ball rolls on such surfaces as well.

In came 3rd choice keeper Futsal Foo. Given his impressive attempt at catching and grounding the ball for RMMs only goal so far, there was every reason for Guvnor to feel confident that RMMs goalkeeping nightmare for the afternoon was finally over. The fact that Futsal Foo had let in an almost identical goal to Speedy's last gaffe recently may have slipped from Guvnor's memory.

With the score now at 4-1 from 3 glaring goal keeping blunders, one would think that RMMs misfortune may finally be over. That was not to be as what may be the most controversial incident of the afternoon was next.

Before he had hardly warmed his gloves, Futsal Foo found himself under another Mat Blues attack and found himself staring at a shot directly onto his body through a crowded box. Unfortunately for RMMs 3rd choice keeper, he let the shot slip under his body. Under any other circumstances, he would have had an earful from his team mates but given the previous 4 goals, this seemed a minor offense to his teammates.

What was unique about this goal was the actual standing of the goal. Some RMMers swore that it was disallowed for offside whilst others argues that it stood. The final decision of this 'Phantom' goal was never clarified with the match officials.

It can however be safely reported that RMM did manage to pull 2 goals back from Guvnor who had his goal handed on a silver platter by Flash That and a rare header from RMMs superstar striker, Batigol who was back after a lean spell.

Was the final score 5-3 or 4-3? A sneak peek at the super secretive Maniam's League table may shed some light into that. The talking point though was not really the 'Phatom' goal but rather the way RMMs keepers self destructed.

RMM 0 Starjet 3

A week after rain wrecked havoc on their fixture, it was dejavu for RMM as another rain soaked afternoon produced yet another waterlogged pitch for this fixture at Pandan Sports Complex.

Facing a Starjet team has never been easy for RMM. The best results the wily veterans had achieved against Starjet had been a draw. This record did not look like it was going to improve when RMMers discovered that the waterlogged pitch was in worse condition than last week's. Given RMMs game was all about slick passing, this was a definite disadvantage.

RMMs discomfort with the playing was obvious from the first whistle and the African imports from Starjet took full advantage of that. They controlled play from the middle of the park with their close ball control, tireless running and strength.

One would assume that these African all Stars would struggle on the pitch that looked more like padi field than a football pitch. Unfortunately for RMM, these African all Stars took to the water like hungry Serengeti crocodiles.

With RMM unable to produce any type of rhythm at all in the first half, it was no surprise that Starjet took the lead in the middle of the half when one of their African all Stars was stole into the RMM box to control and swivel in a shot with 1 smooth motion to beat the grounded Shark.

The giant keeper was called into action time and again during the half. Having to face an one on one situation, making a full length dive with his massive frame and on one comical occasion, almost dropping the ball into his own net whilst fielding a cross.

In between, the game was a mess of miskicks and splashing water.

RMM had a chance to level the game early in the second half when the Chrome Domed Mat Burit once again snatched at his shot when he found himself faced with another opportunity to score.

The well rounded hitman's wastefulness in front of goal during the monsoon season must surely be a worry for RMMs life time President, Guvnor. Given his natural height, a spell in goal may just be what he needs to bring his mojo back.

RMMs hope of salvaging anything from the game went with that miss and the drowning veterans found themselves 2 goals down a few minutes later after being caught on a quick counter with 2 African all Stars bearing in on goal.

The final nail came towards the end when another quick counter produced the 3rd Starjet goal. This time, Shark was embarrassingly beaten on his near post.

Once that goal went in, the game petered out as darkness fell and RMMers drowned.

With the Monsoon season full on now, RMMs chances in the Maniam League seems to be sinking in the Klang Valley mud pitches.